Just One of those Times

It's been ages since I've posted anything and decided for my own sanity to jot a quick note tonight. Pumpkin is doing fine as always. Her terrible two's are upon us with increasing amounts of frustration tantrums and the patience of a Nat (or her Mother, as it turns out), but in general all is well.

I've been suffering through the ups and downs of life with a lot more downs than ups of late. Moving back to our home state meant leaving a house in SC which we've had on the market for six months. I've prayed every night for God to help us sell it and asked all my friends and family who are so inclined to form a prayer chain for the sale and to this day, we've had no luck. We've lowered the price twice and it still sits there. DH took a huge pay cut to come here and be with family and raise our daughter and every penny counts. So, until the house sells, I've tried to grow my home based business by touching base with existing clients. That also has tanked. My clients have said they would call to discuss projects and now months have gone by with no word. So, I've been job hunting and that also is going nowhere. I have been rejected by LOWES, believe it or not. And, the ultimate insult was contacting JFC Temps who has a professional division and speaking with a man of distinct ethnic background from the sounds of his voice who proceeded to use the word "axe" during his over the phone interview/assessment of my background. I mean, C'MON ALREADY!

In short, I'm about at the end of my rope here. Some have said that perhaps God wants me to stay home with Pumpkin. If that is the case, I would think he'd want us to be able to feed and clothe her adequately. I also toy with the notion that I'm being punished for abandoning my pet dogs in January. DH said I'm wasting too much time wondering about all this, that life just screws with you sometimes and there are no answers. Control freak that I am, I have trouble accepting this. I need answers, conclusions, justifications. I've even taken to checking my horoscope to see if there is any news there.

I'm wallowing on many levels for certain. I feel alone here with only my kind MIL to chat with. We moved back here to be closer to family and friends and I've made none since we've moved here and only get back to my family about once every two months. So, its me and Pumpkin most days. Not that this is a bad thing. I'm grateful for these moments because she is growing so fast and I'm fortunate enough to be here for her milestones and to keep her safe from other day school hellions or adult freaks who could hurt her, make her sick or take her down the wrong path in life.

I just don't like floundering or worrying about the future. But alas that is what I'm consumed with of late. Will we go belly-up? Will the economy continue to tank to where our limited funding is only going to get stretched further? Will the incoming Democratic president further take away what income we have in higher taxes? Oh the questions my racing mind can conger up!

That's it from this corner. My venting is over and hopefully this period will pass soon. Pumpkin may just pluck me from the vine and kick me out of the patch otherwise!