Pumpkin's Page

What did I sign up for, here?

2010-09-28T23:18:00.002-04:00

I don't know why I was so delusional all those years ago when I thought I could master being a Mother late in life, or at least muster the energy to do so. Having just celebrated our third Family Day with Pumpkin, it's getting harder and harder to make it.

I've got an energetic four-year-old that is prone to repeating everything I tell her, ignoring everything I ask of her, stomping her feet or grunting in opposition to my requests, fighting me at every turn for the routine tasks like teeth brushing and can even emphatically tell me to leave her alone without batting an eye. Spankings, time-outs, no t.v. or computer....nothing really works to combat these issues, either. More often than not, she'll look at me mid-punishment and continue the bad behaviour at the same time. Challenging, yes. I was told once that 4 would be much worse than 3 and so far that has been the case.

On top of my demon child, I've got a husband that works long hours at his job and hasn't quite read the memo that I've sent requesting help when the sun goes down. I'm holding out hope, but so far it appears my flares burn out before reaching their target. I'm starting to think a strike is in order. A quick little walk-out that hopefully results in a negotiator, improved benefits and definite time off for good behavior, or at least hazard pay; I'll take what I can get!

Mind you, it's not all bad. And I honestly catch myself thinking of my poor mother who had four kids in five years with none of the niceties like microwave meals, an automatic washer or dishwasher, disposable diapers, cable, movies....nothing but two breasts, a strong back, and a lot of patience. Well, she did have a big family that she could take us to for play dates. But, she still managed to self-parent (my Dad worked full-time and ran our small farm after work, not to mention the mind-set of his generation which mandated his role to wage earner) all of us. I don't know how my mother did it at all. I remember her losing patience with us and now wonder why she didn't do it more often. Or, how did she keep her sanity?

My baby is growing up so quickly that I regret that I even think of the bad times. There are so many wonderful times; conversations involving her vivid and creative imagination, hearing her use manners without being prompted, seeing her hug people so freely and lovingly, watching her learn to write a letter or word for the first time. There are many, many wonderful moments in each day I spend with my daughter. However, I would be lying if I didn't point out that Motherhood is not for the weak, impatient or naiive.

I used to think I had control of my life, and perhaps it is because I realize I do not that I'm somewhat frustrated. As someone who is admittedly selfish and loves her time alone, knowing that I can't just 'take five' like I used to is a bone of contention. Then again, I never had anyone tell me "I'm the greatest Mom in the whole world," either. I never knew the joy of just watching someone sleep, smile, laugh, learn...live before.

Life is about trade offs, I guess. I am a Mother and I am subject to joy, anger, frustration, amazement, love, hatred, wonderment and incomprehension. I would love to walk away some days, but deep down inside, I know I'd come running back in a heartbeat. If nothing else, I'm needed here. And, on most days, loved, too. I wouldn't trade that for anything!

Pumpkin's 4th Birthday Vacation Pix

2010-08-19T02:21:00.000-04:00

And Baby is Four

2010-08-19T02:02:00.003-04:00

I must have blinked again because here it is that my baby is now four years old. To say I can't believe it is irrelevant as it doesn't change the facts. It's almost a state of disbelief, as if I ignore it it won't be true. But then I look at my daughter and realized that Father Time has visited once again.

Wasn't it just yesterday I carried her everywhere she needed to go? Fed her with a bottle while I rocked her gently in the rocking chair as she fell to sleep? When did she go from learning to say one word at a time to speaking in whole sentences, creating stories and sometimes fabricating the truth? My baby is gone, but for the constant sucking on her thumb as she falls to sleep each night.

I miss my baby so badly, yet I would be remiss if I didn't say that I also enjoy the little girl I witness blossom in a new way daily. Pumpkin's perspective on life is refreshing, intelligent, curious and often comical. She is no fool for trickery or bribery and she can negotiate with a union leader if you're talking more t.v. time or chocolate! She doesn't lie, she "tells a story." For every position you propose on a subject, she will have her own, often the opposite of yours. Rarely does a day go by that my husband and I don't admit that the days are numbered until she completely beats us down.

We celebrated Pumpkin's birthday with a trip to the beach this year and she was beside herself with glee. She surfed, splashed, swam and built sandcastles. She saw magicians and dolphins and various animals at an aquarium. She got to pick out her cake, which ended up being Ladybug cupcakes because after all, "I love ladybugs," she reminded us. There were presents, too, of course. One load while on vacation, plus additional treats picked up at each of our stops and more to come over the next few weeks as we celebrate with family here at home. With pride, I can attest that Pumpkin is a grateful child that freely expresses thanks at each card, ecard, phone call or gift she receives. Be it a sticker or a full-blown gift, she is appreciative and I pray she'll always be that thoughtful and respectful.

I must also make note that on the day my sweet baby girl turned four I found myself again watching her sleep and hoping that somewhere on the other side of the world someone knows that she is safe, healthy and very, very loved. Despite my often selfish nature, a good part of my heart aches for the woman who parted with this soul just hours after giving her life. I wonder if she realizes that life she gave my husband and I?

As the baby of my family, I know that my Pumpkin will be my baby no matter what her chronological age is just as I was always "my baby" to my Mom. While that does give me the latitude to hug, kiss and coddle at will, it doesn't stop the hands of time from changing this little being from baby to toddler to child in the blink of my eyes. Perhaps I should stop blinking!

Happy birthday, Pumpkin. I love you around the world and back! Big much!!!!

Recent Pumpkin Sightings

2010-07-15T09:48:00.000-04:00

Sacraficial Limbs

2010-07-15T09:19:00.003-04:00

Last night I had the pleasure of taking one for the team, as it were, by camping in with Pumpkin. Her Nana gave her an early birthday gift of a tent, so I popped it up in her toy room and we set out to pretend we were in the backyard under the stars. Four hours into the adventure Mama had to abandon ship as I couldn't feel my lower extremities and my back was about to break, so I woke my baby up and we toddled over to Nana's bed next door. This morning, I'm still feeling as though I lost the battle. Sadly, I know I will still have to do a real camping trip either in the backyard or at a site in the future. Was this in the manual? I don't recall....

It's been months since I last blogged and motherhood would surely be the reason. It's more than a full-time job, it's an all-consuming undertaking that often leaves you with the goal of getting through the day, let alone having the mental clarity to compose your thoughts. Add to this the fact that we moved in April, which meant I had to pack up our townhouse and then unpack our new house. (DH's job demands mean that I'm basically a single-parent with an occasional contractor available for small, odd jobs.) Needless to say, I've had much to write about, just no time.

My dear Pumpkin will soon turn four and she is a bundle of energy, imagination and thoughts, all of which she likes to share with me. In the past month her language has exploded and it's delightful to hear what comes out of her head and mouth. (I actually keep a diary of the funny things she says.) She sings, whistles and dances her way through most days, although there are those times when all I get from her are grunts, crossed arms and a stomping foot.

Pumpkin is out of school for the summer and will likely stay home with me this next year before kindergarten. We didn't think she was really learning at Goddard School, and the expense of the new home pretty much made up our minds about whether or not to continue there. She and I have been taking road trips and going to carnivals so far and we joined the local pool. So, I think she's having a great vacation so far. I just hope she remembers it.

Off I go now to start my day and get some work done before heading off to the pool. It's to be a hot one and me and the heat are not good friends.

Relfections on Aging

2010-02-27T20:14:00.003-05:00

Here it is, another month in the new year almost at a close. Time is flying by much faster than I would like for my sweet Pumpkin and myself. Lately, I've been in a state of great discontent over aging.

When I approached turning 40 I did so with glee. Overall, my 40's were about the best time of my entire life. I started my business, built a house by myself, reconnected with and married my husband and became a mother. It seems that my entire life's dreams came to fruition in the span of 4-6 years. Now, though, I'm gaining on my 50th birthday and I am quite reticent.

As the big 5-0 comes near, my business is all but closed, I have gained more "quit smoking weight" than it seems I can easily lose, hair has begun to grow in places not meant for a woman and turn gray in most other places not meant to be seen! I've had to get bifocals to see, creams for bad skin, orthotics for bad feet, had more kidney stones than I care to have removed, have breast tenderness that is unbearable and mood swings like a lunatic from under the bridge. Riding in the car with me at certain times of the month can be a colorful walk on the wild side! And I don't like any of it.

While I've never been a "girlie-girl" that spends oodles of time primping and preening, I'd need three extra days in a week to keep up with all the things I have to do now to save myself from geriatric putrefaction. I've got creams to address wrinkles, serums to smooth, lotions for eyes, SPF to prevent MORE skin damage, teeth brushing, flossing to address receding gums, pore shrinkers, lotions for peri-menopause dry skin, heel creams for the leather that is my feet, hand creams......and this doesn't include hair or makeup. Add to this trying to get in 45 minutes to an hour of exercise to help shed the burgeoning growth between my sagging breasts and widening hips....it's a full day by 8 a.m.!

I just can't wrap myself around the fact that in two years I'm going to be 50 years old. That, to me, sounds about as close to grandmotherly-in-a-sweater-and-support-hose as is humanly possible and I'm just not ready to go there. Add to this the road of female aging that leads through the land of menopause....it's just one show i don't want the tickets for. It's scary and depressing.

I've also begun the process of finding a new career which is about as exciting as standing in the high-school gymnasium each Friday night waiting for someone to ask me to dance knowing full well it would never happen. Job hunting is about the quickest way to devalue your own worth outside of trying on bathing suits. What does someone on the verge of 50 do for a new career? At this point in my life I sometimes can find my own car keys, let alone a new job! Good grief, just what I need.

Throughout the entire process of adoption, my age never bothered me. I've always felt that my years on this earth gave me added wisdom to be a better mother, not to mention a desire to mother that made me want my child more resulting in a stronger relationship. Now, as I assess how many new aches and pains and grays and varicose veins and the whole plethora of age-related issues I've noted, I've become very cognisant of how much of my daughters life I may miss. And that makes me very sad. Do I regret my adoption? Not at all. I regret getting older. I can't stop it and I can't control it and those are two more reasons not to tolerate it.

So what do I do? I guess I just strap myself in and ride this journey out. I can hope that 50 will be as good as my 40s, but I'm just not feeling the love, as it were. I could hope that some miracle weight loss will occur and I will lose my werewolf chin, but hope isn't going to get it done this time. I'm going to have to be positive, steadfast and calm. Luckily, I'm so known for such character traits.....NOT! Heaven help my dear husband.

CNY 2010 at Penn Museum

2010-01-26T21:57:00.001-05:00

January 26, 2010

2010-01-26T21:11:00.003-05:00

Finally, a quiet moment to catch up on the blog. Where on earth does time go? I just said to my husband today that I'd like to stop time, take a nap, and then turn it back on so I'd be rested without having missed anything. Nice to dream, ha?

Is anyone else out there completely paralyzed about writing "2010?" I just can't seem to write 10 on my checks. I want to write zero something-or-other. And wasn't it just last week that it was 2009? Or, the new millenium for that matter? Since when does time need to fly at warp speed?

2009 is now fading quickly with January zooming by to begin month two of the new year. Our holiday was wonderful, filled with joy at Pumpkin's first real involvement in the Christmas spirit. She helped decorate, make cookies and wrap gifts with me this year. She finally got into Santa and it was wonderful to see sit on his lap with pure joy and wonderment. On top of this, she was just overjoyed about everything Christmas this year from the cartoons to the tree to snow....it was just one big happy moment after another. This little girl truly took my favorite holiday into the stratosphere of delight. The only disappointment of the entire season was having to visit my Mother in the nursing home. Nothing can bend your heart as quickly as spending the holiday with a parent in a home that isn't theirs where there is no real understanding of any particular moment in time.

DH continues to work mightily at his job which he still enjoys. Pumpkin goes to school three days a week all day and very much enjoys time with her friends, too. She has a few favorites (all boys) but has a couple girl friends, as well. She is a walking-talking bundle of energy of late. We had hoped it was related to the holiday season, but it appears to be a 3 1/2 year old thing. I'm sadly beginning to realize that it's true what was foretold to me: terrible two's are nothing; three and four can be just as rough. While the ratio is still 80-20, I'm starting to get the strong "no" response, an occasional tap/smack as if I'm being corrected and it can take half-an-hour to get our Little Missy to put toys away 0r follow any instruction. Meal time is a real pleasure because a house could be zoned, built, landscaped and decorated before Pumpkin finishes eating! The overall irony is that as rough and trying as I thought some things were before now, my patience is tried much more now.

Did anyone REALLY prepare me for this? No. Of course, can you ever really prepare? I'm still loving motherhood in general and, most specifically, mothering my Pumpkin. I often miss those times when she wanted to sleep between us at night and wish that I could crawl into bed and cuddle with her. While she is still a toddler, she is growing up and embracing that growth with open arms. I am not so welcoming. So, I don't fight the thumb-sucking and the occasional wet panties. And, if Pumpkin needs help with something that I know she can do herself, what the heck. It means I'm still Mama the answer God. Soon enough I'll be Mom who never let's me do ANYTHING! Why rush?

Saying "Thanks" to Santa

2010-01-03T22:20:00.002-05:00

Here is Leena talking with Santa Christmas night. (Santa is actually her Great Uncle Eddie.) This is a keeper! I don't know who is having more fun, Leena or Daddy!

Frosty and the Drummer Girl

2009-12-20T14:21:00.002-05:00

The musical trilogy concludes with Leena singing Frosty the Snowman, accompanied by her trusty drum. Christmas magic doesn't get any better than this. (Well, a new President and the expulsion of Congress before they attempt any more spending or illicit behavior would be a miracle to my liking, but I'll settle for this today.)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Yeah!!

2009-12-20T14:19:00.001-05:00

Here is the Pumpkinettes doing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. No musical talent, but certainly entertaining. Me without makeup and hairstyling of any kind is worth the price of admission.

Santa Clause Is Coming to Town, Pumpkin Style

2009-12-20T14:17:00.001-05:00

A Happy Holiday, Indeed

2009-12-16T09:01:00.002-05:00

With only 10 days to go until Christmas, the Pumpkin Patch is having a delightful holiday season. This is the first year that Leena is aware of Santa and presents and all the lure of the season and she is beyond invested in the magic of it all. As someone who love the Christmas holiday anyway, Leena has been an added ray of light. I am so enjoying watching the holiday cartoons, singing carols and reading her the story of Jesus' birth so that she can (even if she doesn't fully understand it yet) know the fundamental reason for Christmas.

At three, Leena is talking in a constant state of filibustering. Her father can't seem to take it all in at times, having never been around a chatty toddler before. She talks in complete sentences and puts together stories and answers that boggle our minds. And, we're convinced Leena uses words that no three year old should know! I love when she sums up a movie or Backyardigans episode. Her eyes are wide and her tone is so serious....such the detail-oriented-mini-me! She can count to 50 and knows all her opposites. She knows mine, yours, ours; placement (frontward/backward); time (last night); well.....she knows everything.

Leena went to see Santa and when asked what she wants, replied: "an airplane, a helicopter and a hot air balloon." Santa asked if she likes to fly around a lot....Lord if he only knew! She also wants a Thomas the Train cake and lots of candy (I believe she confuses Jesus' birthday cake with her own). She looks at every toy catalog we receive (often while on the pot....too funny) and summarily asks for everything on the page. She wants snow because she believes Santa must have that to come in his sleigh with Rudolph and all the toys. Of course, Thorn, a boy in her class won't get toys according to her because he is bad.

Yes, it's a magical time of year, made more so by the vision of it all through a child's eyes. I count myself among the rare few to be so happy in life to have a wonderful husband and daughter to enjoy this holiday with. In a season marked by love, compassion, kindness and joy....I have that every day, all year through. Here, here, Tiny Tim; God Bless Us Everyone!

Merry Christmas!

Pumpkin the calendar girl, again!

2009-12-08T20:54:00.001-05:00

Here is Leena's 2009 calendar picture for the Fuling Calendar project that benefits her home orphanage. We're so proud to support this wonderful group and give a little exposure to our beautiful Fuling girl. It's a win-win for sure.

Pumpkin Visits St. Nick

2009-12-06T15:14:00.001-05:00

Here is Leena visiting Santa for the first time this year. She was beside herself with excitement, saying "Santa, where are you?" as we walked through the mall to see the Man in Red.

Pumpkin Masters the Big Girl Bike

2009-10-05T23:43:00.001-04:00

A Banner Day

2009-10-05T23:36:00.002-04:00

Today was a banner day in the Pumpkin Patch. Little Missy and I had fun making meatballs for a new recipe I tried for dinner, we then went to swimming school that included some play time for Queenie and a 25 minute workout on the elliptical trainer for Mama Pumpkin. (That I'm alive to tell you this speaks volumes of God's healing powers!) Then, after a nap this afternoon, Miss P. asked to ride her big girl bike that we'd purchased for her this past Easter because she has literally outgrown her tricycle. Just like potty training, something must have just clicked in her little mind to tell her it was alright to try. And, try she did. She mastered staying on her bike, making turns and peddling and only fell one time (hence the helmet). I was so elated and proud of my baby. In hindsight, I know this is yet one more reminder of how she is growing up and away from me. This is a good thing and a sad thing at the same time. This easily falls into the "be careful what you wish for" category. In crying out for free time and independent play, I'm also wishing my baby away. This is the sad reality of growth. Still, I have to be happy and proud of my three year old daughter riding a two wheeler bike with total abandon and glee. She didn't quit, never gave up or showed fear. I hope my daughter keeps these traits all the days of her life.

Fall Fun with Pumpkin

2009-09-29T13:51:00.002-04:00

Motherhood is Ageless

2009-09-29T09:42:00.003-04:00

Age. As an older first-time parent, age is something that is always resting in the back of your mind, waiting for an inopportune moment to rear its ugly head. This past weekend, for the second time, an older person looked at me and asked if my daughter was my grand-daughter. When I answered that she was my daughter, she actually gasped! While I'm not Christie Brinkley, I'd like to think I'm not Betty White, either. The comment stung and made me think about what other people see when my daughter and I are together.

Most often, DH and I think of age to the extent that we want to be here for our daughter as long as possible, to see her grow into adulthood. It's certainly the reason I quit smoking and have begun to exercise and watch what I eat. Ironically, most outsiders would probably assume age is a factor in my ability to parent, meaning that at age 46 I don't have the stamina to parent as well as someone younger. Maybe, maybe not. I think I'm a better parent because of my age in that I have more tolerance, understanding and desire. I wanted my child; not that birth mothers don't, but I do believe I wanted my child more. My child has made my life, as opposed to filling a need or "checking off a box" on my life's list of things to do.

Too, I think a lot of people mistakenly think that I've adopted because I couldn't birth my own child. There are unspoken assumptions among the adoptive circle that are sometimes true and just as often not. I could tell people why I adopted, but is it anyone's business? Families are about love, not rudeness.

A recent episode of House has had me thinking about age, mostly as it relates to my own mother. I'm the youngest child in my family and my nieces and nephews have had the luxury of a Grandma that my daughter will never have. By the Grace of God, my daughter knows that she has a Nana and a Grandma, even if Grandma doesn't always know who she is or remember that she exists. My mother has Alzheimer's. Those four words mean that my daughter will likely not know the Grandma that all her cousins got to play with, laugh with, have as a sitter, enjoy holidays with and generally be spoiled rotten by. Thankfully, my daughter won't mourn that loss as much as I do.

Mom was the oldest of nine children born to an abusive, alcoholic father and a submissive mother who died 18 months after the birth of her last child. My mother got the task of raising her siblings, while defending herself from atrocities no child should suffer. Having survived that, Mom left home, got married and had four children; the third of which was born with mental retardation in a time when the solution for such births was to institutionalize them. Deep down, I know my mother blamed herself for my brother's condition, even though it was misplaced. Finally, after getting her children raised (well, all but one who remains as co-dependent as when she was two), Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. A lifetime of hurdles, ending with a woman who spends her days laying in a bed that is not hers in a place that is not her home with people she doesn't know. (Even typing this brings me to tears.)

My husband and I often joke that we're kind to our daughter because we'll need her to wipe our tushes when we get to "Happy Acres" in a few years. In reality, I hope she never has to suffer through anything like this. Equally, I hope she doesn't suffer any foolish questions about who her parents are. "Is that your Mom or your grandma?" "Are those old people your parents?" "How old IS your Mom?" I would hope my daughter never has to defend her Mom and Dad, but I also know from firsthand experience that children can be very cruel.

Turning 40 was a delightful experience for me. I embraced it with abandon knowing that I was lucky to be at an age where experience was a good thing and living in a time when numbers only mattered on paper. As I begin the descent to 50, I'm a little uncertain. I find myself wondering if I'll age gracefully, or have medical concerns (like Alzheimer's) to burden my family with. Will I be able to keep myself in good enough shape to keep up with my daughter and be an active participant in her life?

The wisdom that you so proudly hold on to as you age can be just as fleeting when you're faced with uncertainty. I don't know how much of my daughter's life I'll have luck enough to enjoy, so perhaps that's why I let her sleep with me at night even though there's a $2000 bedroom set with Thomas the Tank Engine bedding on it for her. I don't know if I will have the pleasure of seeing her walk down the isle as a new bride, so I make sure I tell her every day how much we love her and how important she is to our lives. I don't know if she'll even remember all the gifts we've lavished upon her, or the clothes and shoes, so I try and make sure she is just as gifted with hugs and physical contact from us. I want her to inately know how precious she is to her father and I.

Yes, I am a parent. I'm not old and I'm not young. The days are now here when I have mostly memories to keep the love of my mother and I together, and that is a diamond to behold. I hope that someday my daughter can say the same of us; that she will be able to open her own treasure chest of memories to sustain her.

....Mom, I love you and always will no matter where you are in this world.

Pumpkin the Dancing Queen

2009-09-25T08:19:00.000-04:00

The Pumpkin Clan Family Day Dinner 2009

2009-09-19T18:58:00.003-04:00

Family Day Celebration

2009-09-19T18:48:00.002-04:00

DH and I just got home from a lovely day of shopping (showing DH where everything is) and taking Pumpkin out to dinner for Family Day. We're a few days behind, and she wasn't that thrilled about the whole thing to be honest. It was a beautiful fall day and Daddy and Mamma had a terrific time. Mamma even got herself some new jeans in her old size (one size back from where she has been recently). This in and of itself is STELLAR!

Pumpkin got herself a new (used) airplane today at a consignment sale that she and I attended. Mamma was looking for some ballet outfits and found three plus a princess dress and an airplane for $16.50. Yea! We found some shoes this afternoon at Target and now we're all set for "dancing school." I wasn't sure she's stick with it as she cried at the first session. Thankfully, week two was different. She enjoyed dancing with Miss Kelly and the other kids, so we now have the outfits for the rest of the year. (Can't wait for the pictures!)

Daddy is upstairs sleeping, I think with Pumpkin on her pill-wo probably not too far behind. As I said, we had a big shopping day with a lot of walking. Daddy and Mamma even treated themselves to new silverware in honor of our upcoming 5th anniversary (per tradition).

When we got home, we quickly unloaded the car and walked Miss P. up to the park in our development. She climbed a rock wall like a gazelle and can just about do the monkey bars by herself. I'm busily searching gymnastics classes for her because I do believe she had a knack for this. Pumpkin is quick on her feet, strong and fearless. She also does this thing with her pinkie toe where she'll splay it away from her other toes to anchor her feet for balance....very interesting. But, we like to think it's inherently there for balance beam tricks. (Crazy? Who knows?)

Well, the Pumpkin Family is one step closer to wrapping up two beautiful years with our baby girl. (Tomorrow we present this year's gift; to be decided after she goes to bed.) It's to be another beautiful fall day tomorrow, so it will make the celebration that much sweeter.

Happy fall, everyone!

Family Day 2009

2009-09-17T11:51:00.003-04:00

Our second anniversary of the day Pumpkin joined our family has arrived. Hardly seems real that two years have passed so quickly. I can see it in the baby that is now becoming a little girl. I can hear it in the words and stories and songs that my daughter spews forth daily. I can even see it in the photographs that I've recently been looking at. I just can't get my mind or heart around it. While there are days when I love the slight independence Pumpkin has begun to show, there are also days when I just don't want my baby to grow up. When I hold her (on those rare occasions when lifting her doesn't break me), she just feels so good in my arms. Then, again, don't all children?

In a world that is inundated with horrible people who do horrible things to each other and sometimes kids, even within the adoption community, I cannot think of anything so great as the love I have for my little September Miracle. Just yesterday she told me, "I don't like you" for the first time and truthfully it stung. I told her it hurt my feelings and she apologized and gave me a hug asking if we could still be friends. Time will tell on that one.

Today is a day of joy and remembrances of a people worldwide who were handed a baby or child and in one instant began life anew. Happy Family Day to everyone who adopted their precious children on September 17.

Finally, the movie has been made.

2009-09-03T20:08:00.002-04:00

With much joy and excitement, I finished our Gotcha Day movie for Pumpkin. With the adoption, our moves, new jobs and simply raising a baby, the movie has been patiently waiting on my to-do list. With Pumpkin in school and no work for my business, I set out to make our movie.

I had kept a photo scrapbook of almost everything we did throughout our adoption journey and finally I put them to use. The project took me about 10 hours of work, including learning my Nero software and looking for photographs in the tens of CDs and DVDs I have stored in my office. When the project was completed (thanks in large part to NERO on-line support staff), I tearfully looked upon our memories with a joyous heart.

In looking back, I cannot believe how much Pumpkin has grown and changed in the two years since she entered our lives. She is growing and developing at a rapid pace and, despite her 3-year-old tantrums, we love her more each day. Not that it isn't very trying at times, but she is just something else to behold.

So, I am posting our story and DH and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. It took us longer than we'd hoped, caused a lot of tears and stress, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I gave up hope more than once. Adopting Pumpkin was the experience of a lifetime with a beautiful miracle waiting for us on the other side of the world. I guess sometimes there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, after all.

My Baby is 3!

2009-08-21T09:05:00.003-04:00

I just finished a two-day project where I took are home movies to date and transferred them to DVD. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I was rather forced into it as I ran out of space on the camera on Pumpkin's big day. Well, finally that project is done. It was a tedious job, but it filled me with such sentimentality that I was tearful throughout each video I watched.

I guess as Mom, seeing your child every day, you tend to take for granted the changes, developments and growth. I'm not clueless about it all, but the fact is that in watching the home movies from the day we were first given this chubby little black-eyed doll, I had forgotten so many things. How chubby she really was. That Pumpkin was still a baby when we got her, not an infant or newborn, but enough of a baby to allow me to enjoy most of the joys just the same. There were outfits I'd forgotten....AND HER SQUEAKY SHOES!

All the firsts we've blessedly been able to experience with the joyous gift were played out before me: first steps, first holidays, first counting to 20, first meetings with grandparents and family....it is all there for the taking. I am still so filled with emotion that I can barely let Pumpkin sleep without wanting to take her in my arms and squeeze the air out of her or kiss her from head to toe.

Mind you, I say this knowing the baby in those films is not the toddler living in our house now. There are similarities, but there are also v-a-s-t differences. While she came to us saying only "Mama, Da-Da and Ba-Bye," her vocabulary now is expansive and often time explosive. Recent entries include:

"I need air conditioning."
"Oh, that's right. Sorry, I forgot."
"When we get on the airplane at the airplane-port, will I see my blue ball in the clouds?"
"You do it, you're big. I'm too little; my hands are little."
"Really?"
"I'll eat it-do it-pick it up tomorrow."

I could go on and on. And those are the nice phrases. There are also the occasional (less now that she's seemed to have settled at the new house and school):
"I'll beat your ass."
"I'm angry with you. (Pointing her finger at us)now you go the the bad chair."
"No I don't."

It's a plethora of verbiage spewing forth at any given time. Overall, it's enjoyable because we just wonder where in the world she gets it all. For example, the other day while laying down for her nap, she looked around our bedroom and pointed out that our vaulted ceiling was a big triangle. Then, she looked at the television and said it was a rectangle. The fan; a circle.

Pumpkin has a vivid imagination and curiosity. She took a paper tube from wrapping paper, held it up to her head and (with her safety goggles from her work bench) told me she was "going under the water." She took a string of pearls and tied them around the neck of her rocking horse because "he has a scarf 'cause he's cold." Oh, and she also took her jumping rope and tied it around the horse's head and neck like a bridle. Oh, somebody stop me! I'm becoming one of "those parents."

In short, our Pumpkin is growing into a little girl. She is no longer my chubby little "Choo-Choo" with the bowl cut hair. I'm am somewhat happy to note that she still has the widow's peak in her bangs, but that is about all of her baby face left to her. She is 41 inches tall and weighs 36.5 pounds. She is tall, solid and full of attitude. She is also mannerly and puts her clothes in the hamper nightly. She'll even put her night-time pull-up in the garbage on her own.

A mixed bag, my Pumpkin is. A gift that is layered in shades of joy, happiness, obstinacy, orneriness, determination and love. How lucky we are to enjoy unwrapping those layers throughout our many years ahead.

Happy 3rd Birthday, my sweet baby.

It's Party Time for Our Birthday Pumpkin.

2009-08-18T20:23:00.001-04:00

The New Farmer's Tan

2009-08-10T23:17:00.002-04:00

Pumpkin and I went to a park last week to swim and I saw Amish women swimming in public, in bathing suits, for the first time. At the risk of being rude, I'd have loved to have taken a picture or two to show DH just how hysterical it was to be seen.

Having grown up in the country, a farmers tan is not unusual. But, to see one on a woman it something, I tell you. Here you had women tanned from the elbow down and mid-calve down with white extremities everywhere else. And, it would appear that the approved bathing suit for public outings in a one-piece, with the Tankini allowable for single females. The men all wore swim trunks which were quite attractive with their all white and farmer-tan bodies and bushy goatees. As we were leaving I spotted one man wearing those rubber clogs which I also thought might have had a hard time getting through the Order. The whole thing was funny and surreal at the same time. It reminded me of the time I saw an Amish woman getting takeout pizza in her horse and buggy at my first home.

Pumpkin was oblivious to my course in social studies; she was delirious to splash, kick and run in the water for hours on end. I only got her out by telling her that the pool was closing. when she asked me about all the people still in the pool, I had to lie and tell her they were being bad and not listening. Yes, I lied. Did it work, yes. Was it wrong, not in Mommy Law. And, as I tell Pumpkin almost daily now, I am the law as she knows it.

Signing off in the land of female farmer tans.....

A Long Time Away

2009-08-10T22:58:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe it's been almost three months since a post, but it's true none the less. Life has been crazy busy in the Pumpkin Patch with many changes, upheavals and related fun.

The Pumpkin Patch has relocated due to a new job for DH. Mind you, we'd only lived in our last home about 18 months, but an unexpected job offer came along that was simply too good to pass up. We now live further east, closer to a big city and in a generally less friendly part of the state. I'm also further from all family on both sides. DH has a more stringent work schedule that takes him in to work earlier and brings him home later.

The move was not a pleasant one for a host of reasons. To begin with, we tried using a moving service through U-Haul after a family member has done the same with great results. We were less fortunate in that our movers were a father and step-son team that clearly were not up to the size move we had, not to mention that the business was a home-based venture that kept the father on the phone 90% of the time. It ended up with me packing almost our entire house and then unpacking the same boxes at the new rental. An added joy was the fact that the step-son was an immigrant from Mongolia, in America two years, and would come to me asking if a particular box was for the "chicken," meaning "kitchen."

Additionally, the move that we thought would take one weekend, ended up taking three consecutive weekends and one and a half months later, I'm just now getting curtain rods put up! DH's work schedule doesn't allow for much "home" work and I'm not a patient woman in times of transition. Pumpkin hasn't like it much either to the point that she didn't sleep well the first few weeks, was very cranky and still cries when I drop her off at her new daycare center.

When we were last at the old house I spent the first hour sobbing at losing the house I "rocked my baby to sleep" in and where she had her first Christmas and Easter, etc. DH just looked at me like I was a peri-menopausal freak (which is somewhat true) and kept on painting.

So, here I sit in the basement of a new "luxury" townhouse that we're renting for at least a year while we try and sell our old house and look for another one while the fate of our country crumbles around us. We're great on timing, eh? Selling a house when the mortgage market is in ruins? Moving to a part of the state that is largely Democratic and liberal when we're conservatives? Being a Steeler fan in Eagles territory? Oh, I could go on and on, but what's the sense. We're here for the duration, so DH tells me.

Our new rental, a townhouse, has been a whole other nightmare with four water leaks in the first six weeks! We call our maintenance man "Schnieder" or "Sanford and Son" when he come with his son/helper. It's wild what you learn from living in so many homes in different areas. You really do get an appreciation for what real quality and craftsmanship is. Our current rental is listed for the same price as our house, but the quality is simply not there. It's basically a cubic zirconia passing itself off as a diamond.

If I sound down, I'm not really. I don't like our new town as much as the old one and I really hated to leave our home and community. However, we are a family and we do things together. So, for the sake of the team as it were, I'm playing along. Hopefully, Pumpkin and I will get settled and we'll begin to enjoy our new neighborhood or find a new house to make our memories in.

Well, off to unpack, hang curtains or do whatever else can be done to get this circus moving forward.

Happy Mother's Day, The Text

2009-05-10T13:07:00.004-04:00

"Nothing is so beautiful as that which is grown in a Mother's love."

It is a joyous Mother's Day here in the pumpkin patch. Once again, DH has seen to it to make the day wonderfully fully of love. He and Pumpkin gifted me with a beautiful new ring, some nail polish (even some for Pumpkin), chocolates, earrings and a ladybug watch (so I'll always think of my Pumpkin). I was to have breakfast in bed this morning, but it was called on the count of a Toddler. I would like to say there is a rain delay in place, but at this point I think we're talking years. And, by that time I will be getting breakfast in bed every day...by Nurse Cratchett!

Pumpkin and I went to the Mother's Day Tea at her school where she served me lunch and participated in a song for all the Mom's. I had looked forward to the event for months and it was all that I expected. Well, I didn't expect to have to leave early for a double BM from Pumpkin, but as she's only recently completed this stage of potty training, who was I to complain? And, isn't it apropos? Women are often crapped on in life, why not at a Mother's Day Tea? I should also mention that I was about to duct-tape Pumpkin at one point too as she would not grasp the concept of sitting down to eat like the other children. Every one tells me this is a sign of genius, but I'm starting to think they're just being kind! Perhaps they're really laughing!

Our holiday festivities also included a visit to Aunt Kelly and Uncle Boo's house where we joined Nana Pumpkin for a Mother's Day dinner. Pumpkin was delighted to see her Aunt and Uncle and especially to play the guitar with Uncle Boo. She loves music; singing it and making it. In fact, when playing by herself, riding in the car or just about any time, Pumpkin can be heard singing something. It's delightful to hear. Pumpkin made her Nana bookmarks and I made Nana a t-shirt with a personalized quote (see above). Nana presented me with a beautiful hanging basket and a lovely card. It was a nice evening for us all.

Finally, here it is Mother's Day and the sun is shining after almost a week of cold, wet and grey days. God loved his Mama, no doubt. I am so happy to have my family and to finally be a part of this blessed holiday. It is made much sweeter with the love of my husband and much sadder having my own Mom in a nursing home. Calling her today, I heard tears in her voice and I cried myself at her misfortune. I thanked her for bringing me into the world and teased her that after three tries, she got it right. But, in the end, no amount of humor can soften the disheartening place you find yourself in talking to your parent in a virtual prison. No matter that it is the best place for her, it takes a tole on anyone with a heart.

I am fortunate to have this day with my daughter and husband. I pray that I have countless many more in the years ahead and I thank God for the many, many wonderful women who lead me and guide me in my journey through parenthood. I am finding that there is never a truly right way of doing things, but rather what is right at the moment and with your specific child. I am learning each day how very strong parenting requires you to be and often I feel totally unequipped. Fortunately, you can flounder and even fall, but the sun still rises in the morning and your child is still there to try it again without any trepidation.

Indeed, some gifts take forever to get here, aren't exactly what you asked for initially, but are more joy that you thought you could imagine. If you are lucky, you'll find this at least once in your life. Praise God, I've found it three times.

Happy Mother's Day to you all.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T13:07:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin Plays Guitar with Uncle Boo

2009-05-10T12:41:00.001-04:00

Here is Pumpkin having fun with her first guitar lesson from Uncle Boo. She loves music (and her Uncle Boo) and couldn't get enough of singing and strumming. We, of course, had to stumble through the lyrics of our favorite children's songs!

The Pumpkin Family Easter Album

2009-04-15T20:21:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin Decorates Her First Easter Eggs

2009-04-11T21:30:00.001-04:00

Our Favorite Easter Treat

2009-04-08T10:37:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin Dances to Aerosmith

2009-04-08T10:16:00.001-04:00

She dances, she sings, she plays ONE MEAN PLASTIC HORN! Here is the multi-talented Miss Pumpkin grooving out to Steven Tyler and Aerosmith. This Dude doesn't look like a lady; she looks like our impish little Miss P!

Toddler Hit Parade

2009-04-08T10:12:00.001-04:00

Here is the Devine Miss Pumpkin singing the Toddler Hit Parade. Sit back and enjoy her renditions of childrens classics as you've never heard them before!

Pumpkin Reads Her First Book

2009-02-26T22:20:00.001-05:00

Here is the AMAZING PUMPKIN actually reading The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss. While I know she's memorized the text, it is still mind boggling to us that at 2 1/2 years old she is able to recite the entire book. You Go Little Buddah!

A Drive to School with Pumpkin

2009-02-13T13:08:00.001-05:00

Here is a typical morning with Pumpkin on the way to school. Be prepared to laugh at this provocative look into the mind of a growing Toddler. Just don't look too closely at the twelve chins of the driver!

Pumpkin at Two and a Half

2009-02-13T11:57:00.003-05:00

It seems hard to believe but our little Pumpkin will turn 21/2 in mere hours. The past few weeks to a month have shown us such development in her that we continue to be amazed each day.

Around mid-January we entered into what we (thankfully) call our first bad period as Parents. Pumpkin decided, out of the blue between a nap and bedtime, that she no longer needed to sleep at night. More to the point, the crib was not something for her, and putting her in it each night would set off many hours of crying, screaming, door kicking or door banging. So, at day three of trying to let her wail her way into submission (which we've never fully attempted), Pumpkin began to climb out of her crib, which we knew about from the "thud" we would hear as she hit the floor. This led us to dismantle the crib and convert it into a day bed. This took a few days of adjustment and some ongoing sleepless nights and lost tempers, but amazingly she finally slept. I am still in awe of how much she developed in literally a few weeks. She gave up her crib, no longer needs rocked to sleep or a sippy cup full of warm milk and she is sleeping at least nine hours a night without interruption. We've even rearranged her room and that had no impact at all.

For the past 16 months, Mamma and Daddy Pumpkin spent each night tip-toeing through the house while Pumpkin's door was closed and rarely (we can count on one hand) went one night without at least one event where Pumpkin awoke. Now, she sleeps with her door open and the television, phone calls, me working in the next room on the computer....nothing wakes her up! About the only new thing with her at bedtime is that she now (for the first time) loves blankets and her "pullwo" (pillow). She'll sometimes sleep on the sofa at nap time and always drags her pillow and blanket out like a little vagabond, sucking her thumb with the other hand.

Because of the new routine, as soon as the sun goes down and the skies turn darker, Pumpkin will say "no Sun out" which I will then ask, "what does that mean?" Pumpkin responds with, "nite-nite time." (She knows that when the sun is up, the moon is sleeping and so forth). I'm either raising a farmer or lse she may just get used to a solar schedule. She'll still get up and out of bed a few times, but she is generally asleep within 15 minutes and we don't hear a sound until the next morning when she toddles into our room with sleepy eyes and announces: "suns up, time to wake up." If she's had a BM, she also rubs her belly and says, "good for tummy, good for tummy." (I've tried to impress upon her that BM's are normal and necessary...kind of like yelling at the Congress.)

On the subject of communication, Pumpkin is at warp speed. She talks in complete sentences, several at a time, and I'm enjoying immensely the ability to have conversations with her, even if they are silly. Some examples?

Mamma Pumpkin: Daddy is fixing that; you can't help.
Pumpkin: (Pointing to her chest) Baby help? I fix it, too?"
Mamma Pumpkin: How are you going to fix it?
Pumpkin: I get tape (at which point she pretends to unroll tape on an imaginary object.
Mamma Pumpkin: Did you fix it, Pumpkin?
Pumpkin: Yes. All fixed.
-----------------
Mamma Pumpkin: Where's the "big smoke?" (Any kind of smoke stack, chimney, fire...these are "big smoke" to Pumpkin.)
Pumpkin: There it is, I see it big smoke. I catch it?
Mamma Pumpkin: No, Pumpkin, it's too high.
Pumpkin: Climb ladder? Catch big smoke?
Mamma PUmpkin: I guess you could climb a ladder and catch big smoke!
--------------
Mamma Pumpkin: No, TT (t.v.), Pumpkin because (whatever her infraction for the day was).
Pumpkin: Pwease....Watch DoraPets (Dora the Explorer or Wonder Pets), Boose Cuse (Blues Clues) or Bahnie (Barney)?
Mamma Pumpkin: No. Go into the living room and play with your toys.
Pumpkin: (After five minutes or so....)Can Daddy watch T.V.?

Today in fact, when she came home from school I asked her if she had a party at school and she exclaimed in all her youthful exuberance, "yes! We had candy, cookies and cake!" She has so many sayings that just floor us it's hard now for me to remember them all! The other day her father was blowing his nose (imagine an elephant running through the jungle in full-on fright mode). Pumpkin cups her fingers to her ears (this is how she "listens") and says, "what's that animal?" When I stopped laughing I told her that was not an animal, that was her Daddy!

Pumpkin has only asked "why" once, but for the past few months everything has been "what's that, what's that one?" She loves it when she does something herself and exclaims, "I did it by self" or "good job." She's doing a lot on her own now. Pumpkin can put on her own pants, shirt, socks and shoes. She feeds herself breakfast and dinner and is mastering drinking out of a non-sippy-cup. (She would do it more if Mamma wasn't so concerned about more stains on the carpet.) This past week, Pumpkin began brushing her own teeth before school and at bedtime. We check to make sure she done an adequate job, but we're also stressing her independence and responsibility.

Our baby girl is virtually potty trained, accept for BM's. For whatever reason, going poop on the pot just isn't something she subscribes to. She goes pee-pee on our toilets, opting not to use the baby potty about two weeks after we got it out. She will go to the bathroom on her own, and wash her hands when done.

Miss Pumpkin knows 1-10 and about 90% of 10-20 and can even count to five in Spanish (along with Gracious, or as she says "Gra-sus"). She can identify 10 colors and is beginning to recognize the lower case alphabet. She even knows words like volcano, sink, float, faster, coming, this or that way, fast or slow, crocodile, beetle, Macaw, junkle (juggle), open and close, big and small....am I boring you other parents, yet?

We still have a burgeoning basketball star in our midst, or so we think. Pumpkin still weighs 36 pounds, but she is now 39 inches tall. She has all but her 3 year molars and finally we've got enough length in her hair to pull it into a pony tail. (She calls them piggy tails.)

Pumpkin can freely sing (and often does) Old McDonald, Twinkle-Twinkle, Do Your Ears Hang Low, The Wonder Pets Theme, Patty-Cake, Patty-Cake, the chorus of I'll Miss You by the Beatles, and Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone. She knows how to play Red Rover, Red Rover and often enlists Mamma and Daddy in that one!

In short, our Pumpkin is clearly the most special child we or any one else could have wished for. She is funny, musical, precocious, strong-willed, meticulous, silly, curious, affectionate, fearless and most importantly, ours. Even though there are days when it seems like all I want to do is swat her padded behind for flat-out ignoring me, more often than not, I find myself laughing with her and at her. Her expressions, facial and verbal, are hysterical.

I am so very blessed to have this little child as my own and I try every night to pray that God watches over her and lets her have this miracle for all the days of our lives. She brings such joy to our home that the life we had before is growing more and more of an un-missed memory. Each new day brings a new level of growth that just amazes and astounds me.

Happy 2 1/2 birthday, Pumpkin! Mamma and Daddy sure do love you!

Chinese New Year

2009-02-13T11:27:00.003-05:00

Pumpkin celebrated Chinese New Year with her classmates at Montessori this year. Mamma Pumpkin created a slide show about the holiday with a brief history of China and where Pumpkin was born. (Her teachers seemed surprised that we knew where she was born and that we'd discussed it with her.) I also helped with a craft project of hanging lanterns, did a coloring/activity book for her classmates, made a "Fu" sign for all the students to take home and hang on their front doors and stamped each students hand with a good luck symbol and Chrysanthemum.

Pumpkin seemed most happy that Mamma was at school that day. Her classmates liked the Dragon parade at the end and the older children in the next grade level seemed to have a little better attention span for the slide slow, but also liked the Dragon parade the most.

It was fun sharing Pumpkin's culture with others and being in full-fledged "Homeroom Mother" mode.

Gong Hey, Fat Choy everyone!

Super Steeler Weekend

2009-02-13T10:38:00.005-05:00

February has seen a lot of activity here in The Patch. We began the month with a victorious Super Bowl game in which our beloved Steelers became the first football team in history to win six (yes, that's 6) Super Bowl titles. The Pumpkins traveled to Pittsburgh to enjoy the heart-stopping game with Pumpkin's God-family.

Super Bowl Sunday began with a visit to church where a childhood friend serves as Pastor. How delightful to find everyone in the congregation (except one faithful follower of the Cardinals) in Steeler gear and a sermon that began with a short video on Troy Palomalu followed by an exuberant rendition of the Steeler fight song. Talk about a devotional spiritual!! The Pumpkins then went to our cousins (one of the two Godparents for Leena) for a party. There was a ton of food, including the local favorite Pierogis, great conversation and a nail-biting game to enjoy.

To best prepare Pumpkin for her first Steeler Super Bowl, we suited her up and let her have fun. In reality, she ended up playing most of the afternoon and evening with her cousin, having little regard for Mamma's screaming and jumping up and own. Even Daddy Pumpkin found himself glued to the t.v. as touchdowns were scored, penalties applied, replays watched....yikes! Mamma Pumpkin packed her Terrible Towel away at the 2 minute warning (I know, "O Ye of Little Faith") and was delightfully surprised when we pulled victory out of the wings of the Cardinals. WOW!

I can only think Myron Cope (you locals will know the name) is smiling down from Heaven wishing he'd have been there to call that game.

Go Steelers!!

Pumpkin Has a Snow Day

2009-01-28T18:11:00.001-05:00

Like most of the US, we got hit with a nice little snow storm that brought great joy to Pumpkin.

Our 2008 Christmas Scrapbook

2009-01-27T19:49:00.003-05:00

A Life Too Soon Gone

2009-01-27T17:07:00.005-05:00

This is one entry that has been difficult to compose, to say the very least. Recently, a life was taken too soon from our family. My sister-in-law passed away due to complications from her second stroke in two years. She was 46 years old.

Donna was the mother of two of my nieces and one nephew, ages 27, 24 and 23, respectively. The fact that children so young had to bury their mother is yet another level of grief. By God's grace, they handled the situation with maturity, optimism and unity that Donna would be so very proud of.

Although divorced from my brother, Donna never left our family in any way. She was loved for her sense of fun, the easy way you could talk endlessly with her, and her often comical parenting dilemmas. She was often referred to as the second Donna in our family since we both shared the same first and last name for many years.

Miraculously, Donna never held a grudge despite having been abandoned by her Mother and 17 aunt's and uncles as a child and raised in foster care away from her two brothers. She went so far as to allow her children to make their own decisions about a relationship with their grandmother as she felt it was not her place to attach her personal story on them. In all honesty, I would never have been so gracious.

Among the many stories I can think of in remembering Donna are a few that always bring a smile as I think back on them. I offer those now.

One of the first Christmas holidays Donna had with our family occured while I was in college. When I came home for the holiday, I was anxious to know what presents I would be getting. So, I offered an exchange with Donna; if she told me what I was getting, I would tell her what she was getting from my family and my brother (her husband). After Donna gave me the complete rundown on my gift haul she asked what she was going to receive, to which I coyly responded: "presents." Thankfully, she still spoke to me after that!

Another story involves my niece, her second daughter and middle child who gave Donna most of the gray hair in her head. While not an overtly bad child, this gal seemed to find every situation possible to get into trouble. One such incident involved a period of several weeks when she would not obey curfew or any rules of punishment. So, on one such occasion when my niece was out late at a location she was expressly forbidden to go, my sister-in-law made arrangements for a local policeman to come to the house and give her a lecture. When my niece came home and thought she had made it in without notice, her Mother called her downstairs where she and the Police officer were waiting. Donna told my niece that since she would not listen to anything she told her, would not take any punishments seriously; it was time for the law to step in. At which point the Office instructed my niece that if she broke any rules again she would be sent to a juvenile home at her Mother's request. Well, I'm sure before the speech was over my niece was near hysterical with fear and remorse, promising never to be disobedient again. As a point of reference, this same child had her bedsheets and blankets taken off her bed because she would tie them together and escape out her bedroom window at night. When she came home one night to find her bed completely stripped, Donna told her "when you start to use your bed sheets for sleeping, you'll get them back."

Donna had a unique style of parenting that most often resulted in observance to her rules. When her youngest, my nephew, went through a period of talking back and slamming his bedroom door, the door was removed. Said Donna, "when you decide to shut the door properly, and can learn to respectfully talk to me, you'll get your door put back on."

While her parenting may seem unorthodox to many, it must have worked because the three children she raised are for the most part very good young adults. They've made mistakes, but they support one another, don't have a greedy bone in their body, and are strong defenders of those in need.

During the funeral, each of Donna's children stood and spoke of their Mother, most often noting that the one thing she taught them was to never judge a person by their appearance or situation. Rather, she encouraged her children to help when, how and wherever they could. Her wild-child middle daughter spoke through tears instructing all who attended that if there could be one legacy Donna left behind, this sense of selflessness and serving was it.

I miss Donna dearly even though the vivacious, funny woman I remember had left two years ago after her first stroke. And, even though I am so very saddened by her passing and the void it will leave in our family, I do find some comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain. I pray, too that in that next life she is currently enjoying she has her speech, mobility and mind back. That she can watch her children grow at the right hand of God....that makes my personal loss bearable.

God bless you, Donna. Know that you will be missed greatly and loved forever. Be at peace.

Merry Little Pumpkin Jingler

2008-12-17T07:20:00.001-05:00

It is the 'most wonderful time of the year,' isn't it? This little caroler can sure make the holiday's bright!

Never Saw That on The Brady Bunch!

2008-12-15T18:54:00.003-05:00

DH and I have long accepted the fact that the life as we knew pre-Pumpkin is a goner. We're reminded of this fact each time we have to get the rug scrubber out to remove mysterious spots that surface about every three weeks. Or, each time we try to add an item to the dishwasher only to see it full of sippee cups, compartmentalized plastic plates and "poons" and "fahks" (spoons and forks) a plenty, even if there were only three meals that day. It would now appear that the ill sought afternoon nap for two flu-infested old parents is under siege!

Yesterday, after Pumpkin was put down for her nap, DH and me decided we would take a quick nap, too. He has had a bad sinus infection that left him physically drained and I have had the "southern end" of the bug, so much so that I've now got a permanent stamp on my butt that reads American Standard. Just the same, we decided that we'd throw caution to the wind on this blessed day of rest and settle in for a little shut eye. We each crawled into bed, DH scooted over for a little cuddle time and I hear: "Wait; what's this?" He reaches under the blankets and (no, it wasn't a can I show you my artwork kind of thing; BE NICE HERE, PEOPLE!) pulls out Pumpkin's "The Foot Book," by Dr. Seuss. Of course, we laughed until napping was no longer in us.

The moral here for all prospective parents? Let go and let the children. Release yourself to the idea that you'll never watch a full length television program again. Move on from the idea that 12 viewings of Wonder Pets (the same episode) isn't mind torture. Accept the fact that even as you use the bathroom, you may have to do it with a small human on your lap, or at least asking what your doing and wanting to look at it when you're done. Shrug off the idea of ever thinking of anything but "just what can I get done today while he/she is napping-sleeping-at Nana's." Laugh at how wonderful you look each day after sleeping for 4-6 hours. Stock up on deodorant, toothpaste and a good hair clip as there will be days when that will be the only beauty regimen you have time for, and you'll be grateful for that, mind you! Hot meals? A thing of the past. Cold food is okay; just remember, calories are calories, no matter the temperature.

Yes, the idyllic Brady Bunch many of us were raised on is a myth. Six kids, two parents AND a dog? I say a hearty, get real, my friends. One child in this Pumpkin Patch has, in one short year, won the war. We've drawn up the concession papers and are delivering them to her Majesty tonight. Of course, this will be after she's bathed, massaged with lotion, read to, rocked and sung to. The old parents? With any luck, we'll survive to see tomorrow! Afterall, I'm told repeatedly that four is often worse than two. Yippee!!!

Christmas with Pumpkin

2008-12-13T21:38:00.003-05:00

With a little more than ten (yes, count them down) days to go until Santa arrives, the anticipation builds each minute for me. Pumpkin still isn't fully aware of what the holiday brings or that Santa will be bringing her gifts, but Mamma Pumpkin is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Ole St. Nick and the presents I know will bring absolute joy to Pumpkin.

Our tree has been up for a few weeks now and, accept for an ornament that has Mommy and Daddy's photo in it that draws Pumpkin's touch at least ten times a day, she has left the tree alone. Beneath the tree is a package from Auntie Teresa and soon the box from Cousin Jarrett will join it. Then, the tree will seem a little less lonely.

Pumpkin has begun using her imagination full-throttle. Just this morning when I got her out of bed, she stood and handed me an apple and celery that she was pretending to eat in her crib. She also like to take her baby blanket and wrap up a book to pretend it's a present or that it holds shirts, pants, socks and necklaces and bracelets that Mommy and Daddy have to put on. Then, of course, is her stick pony that she carries around like an "Umella" (umbrella). It's just delightful to see those black eyes working with creativity.

Mamma Pumpkin loves Christmas; as much today as when she herself was a toddler. I love the cards, the photos, the tree and yes, the presents. As I write this, DH is in the basement wrapping his surprises for me. I'm an admitted snooper, so with luck, I'll contain myself enough to leave them alone for these last few days. But, I also enjoy gift giving. Each year I have special gifts that I cannot wait to give, because I want to see the reaction of the recipient. This year, those gifts are for Daddy, Pumpkin, Nana, Uncle Boo, Aunt Kelly and Pap Pap. All the gifts I've chosen are good ones and selected for specific reasons, but some are just a little more unique. So, as much as I anticipate my own gifts, I anticipate other's receipt of our gifts just as much.

Christmas is for kids, indeed. I have said to DH at least fifty times by now how I cannot wait for Pumpkin to open this gift of that as I know how excited she'll be. But, just as importantly, it's for adults to feel again the joy of childhood, too. Even if briefly, we can go back in our minds to those precious moments when the smell of new plastic, paper and tape permeated throughout our homes and that awful decision had to be made: which toy do I take with me while we go visiting all Christmas day? And, even if you wait for weeks for an event that takes all of 20 minutes to conclude, it's so very worth it for the lifetime of memories it leaves behind.

Merry Christmas, everyone! God bless us all with each and every joyous moment of the season.

Lions Club Christmas Party

2008-12-09T22:16:00.010-05:00

Daddy, who serves as the Public Relations point of contact for our local Lions Club, drug Mamma P and Pumpkin to the annual Christmas Party where Miss P got a surprise visit and gift from Santa, himself. These are some photos of the Pumpkin Clan in their holiday finest.

2008-12-03T21:44:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving 2008.

Pumpkin Updates

2008-12-03T21:30:00.002-05:00

Whew! I wasn't aware of how long it had been since I last posted. My how time surely does fly. Here in the Pumpkin Patch, we're bustling with Christmas activities. The cards have been mailed, the decorations inside and out are in place and the tree is up. Pumpkin is so far enjoying every minute of it all, saying "no touch" (with a shaking finger) regarding the tree and "pretty." Tonight, she even took a book of hers and pretended to wrap it in her blanket, complete with pretend tape. (I mean, DUH MOM, of course you need tape to wrap!) After bath time, she began her pretend time by taking her blanket from her crib and pretending to pull things from it. Her "stash" included necklaces, hats and shirts for Daddy and me. This was her first real pretend play and she was delightful.

Speaking of delightful, Pumpkin told me the other night at bedtime, "I love you, Mamma." Talk about weak in the knees! I'm quite certain I floated rather than walked out of her room that night. For days now I've replayed the words over and over in my head and it's joyous each and every time. Pumpkin is talking more and more each day, with new words all the time and longer sentences, too. Mind you, I'm the one who understands most of her language, but Daddy catches enough to be entertained. For example, tonight Daddy was fastening a bookcase to the wall in Pumpkin's room and she was behind him ready to climb the ladder for assistance. When I lifted her out of the corner she was stuck in, she promptly told me, "thanks." Or, there are the many times when you ask her something and she'll answer with "yes" or "um-hum," or "I like/love it! I like/love it!" She can be very expressive, sometimes emphatic with her words to the point of her veins bulging in her neck!

We've also begun serious potty training and this afternoon was a major milestone as Pumpkin went to the potty on her own and did a poo-poo. She's dry most days, although yesterday she backslid with three accidents. It's hard on my patience, but she's only been at it for two weeks and by and large, she's doing fine. Our goal is to have her almost trained by Christmas. I recognize fully, however, that we can't rush anything and that she will train in her own good time. So far, though, she's been doing pretty well.

That's the latest on the Divine Miss P....our own little Christmas Miracle, delivered to us by an angel from a faraway land.

A "Stoner" No More

2008-10-29T23:09:00.001-04:00

Indeed, I can finally say I'm a "stoner" no more. Four months, six surgical procedures, hundreds of antibiotics, antispasmodics, Vicodins and Potassium pills later, MY STONE HAS BEEN OBLITERATED. And, my surgeon is alive to tell the story. (It was touch and go at the end as both he and I were about to come to blows on my whole saga! :) )

I have four more days to endure my current stent (the second one) and the joys of peeing with pain and the joyous itchy sensation of stitches in my left kidney. How wonderful to have the onslaught of dry skin due to cooler weather exacerbated by "stitch itch." In just a few more days both stent and stitch will also be part of my horrific recent memories.

The only good things I can say about my whole four month ordeal is that I am so very blessed to have a husband and Mother-in-Law who stepped in, stepped up and stood tall to make sure me and Pumpkin were more than taken care of. It was most difficult being told that I couldn't lift my baby, play with her, or even snuggle with my husband due to two Nephrostomy tubes in my back. And, thanks to a recent addition of Prilosec to my diet, I am now going through my days without nausea and upset stomach for the first time in months.

Having never been in the hospital accept to be born and have jaw surgery as an adult, my stone experience was excruciating. I kept telling DH that I just wanted my life back. I just wanted to eat and sleep and (yes) do housework when and how I wanted. Each time I thought I was near the finish line, something would go wrong and I'd have to get another tube inserted into my body, have another procedure done and go through another set of limitations. Enough!

I would be remiss if I didn't also mention another strong workforce in my healing favor: my Prayer Warriors. For the past several months, I so very gratefully had a team of faithful friends, acquaintances and even strangers who prayed for my recovery and even sent me a "prayer shawl" which I sleep with to this day because of the comfort it provides me. I know that their prayers helped me through and gave me just enough gumption to keep hanging on, even when I was sure I'd have my stone for all of eternity.

So, to everyone out there who helped, prayed and generally kept me in their thoughts these past many months, I sincerely thank you.

Pumpkin Goes to Jumping School

2008-10-07T21:25:00.001-04:00

Here is Pumpkin with her Daddy at "Jumping School" (toddler gymnastics). Since Mommy was out of commission, Daddy took the lead and I had camera duty.

It's a Man's World...

2008-10-06T12:01:00.002-04:00

It was James Brown who masterfully and rightfully declared, "It's a man's world." I've always known it to be true, often quipping that God himself was a man and he certainly took care of his own! I mean, let's look at the facts: men get circumcised when they're too young to realize the discomfort. Women get body hair, periods, pregnancy and then menopause. A full life of misery! And, for every one hot flash treatment, most of which will give you cancer in return, men have 100 pills to keep them virile. Can we get a break here, soon?

Lately, I've learned even more about the male species as I sit here with my Nephrostomy Tube in my back, emptying my left kidney into a plastic bag that I gingerly empty with each trip to the potty. With great joy and entertainment, I then get to empty my bag with a careful tap, tap into the loo so as not to drip on the lid (or myself, for that matter). I've even learned that two taps are sufficient, for if I do three or more, I'm fiddling with myself according to the men in my life! (Although, I'm also told that I'm not a real man until I can pee on the wall.) I told DH that I only wish it was snowing outside so I could write my name in it.

Silly? Indeed. But, with more than three months of kidney stone surgeries, stents and now a bag, I've got to get some enjoyment out of this entire process to keep from going crazy. After all, you don't realize how much you use your back until you are told you can't. For example, try drying off your feet without bending over. Try taking a shower without getting your back wet. Try sleeping on your side without rolling over. At 45, it's a little late to learn new tricks, not to mention my buxom build and rotund mid-section don't help matters where flexibility is concerned.

So, until Wednesday when the bag is removed, I'll just keep humming my James Brown, tapping on the bowl and enjoy living (all but briefly) as a man. Perhaps I'll go order some Viagra and turn on the "big game." Arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh!!

The Year of Living Lovingly, The Text Version

2008-09-30T17:54:00.009-04:00

I'm a little late, but finally I'm getting around to posting about our first Family Day anniversary. Above are pictures of our dinner at Red Lobster, where we gave Pumpkin he first of her Family Day gifts: a red silk suit with matching hat. (My niece calls it her Empress outfit.)

It is truly hard to believe, but last week we celebrated our first anniversary of the day Pumpkin was placed in our arms. As if it was yesterday, I remember how the babies were brought into the room, some carried in pairs by the Orphanage staff, and they were so quiet that we didn't know they'd arrived for several minutes. Miss Pumpkin was quiet, a little unsure, and only had one shoe on as her chubby little feet wouldn't hold the squeaky sandals she'd been given. I remember standing by another Mom who softly sobbed at the mere thought that we'd finally made it to this day....knowing full well how I, too didn't think it would ever occur.

It's been a quick, changing, loving year that has included learning to adjust to Motherhood in ways I'd never anticipated. Worst of all for me has been letting go to Pumpkin and her needs and schedule. I'm still learning, but getting better all the time. Age affords me more patience that I know I would have had in my younger years, but it also presents the challenges of mothering through peri-menopausal PMS. Isn't life grand?

I am happy to report that having my daughter is still the greatest gift, along with my stupendously superb husband, that I've received. She is so full of personality that each day brings a new facet of her inner self that just makes us love her more. Quite luckily, our daughter was handed to us in a healthy little body that was full of curiosity, none of which has changed. From the beginning, we've had no obstacles with bonding, illness, parenting, adjustments...nothing at all. With no experience, we found the love we have for this child has served us very, very well. And, one year later, I still find myself in absolute awe each time I look in the rear-view mirror and see Leena sitting there.

Recently, I had to travel to my parents home to provide a little assistance to my father who just had double knee replacement surgery. Leena and I traveled alone for the first time and she was exceptionally well behaved given the major upheaval in her schedule. The most enjoyable part of the journey was getting to sleep with her each night as I read to her and watched her fall asleep, most often snuggled up against me. I found myself so enthralled with her little sleeping face that I had to force myself not to scoop her up and smother her in kisses. Then, on the way to and from my parents home, Leena's ongoing jabbering sessions made for very entertaining conversation. She offers a new look at life through eyes that, while they may someday be justifiably bitter, are full of wonderment. Big car! More cows! Big smoke (clouds). Birds! Where is school? I don't know. Red car. Blue car. Black car. Big truck. Train! Milk please, Mamma. Mamma seatbelt. Stop. Go! It goes on and on. I watch her as she turns her head from side to side to take in as much as possible. She is un-jaded, pure and optimistic. With any luck, we won't do much to change this.

Although there are days, sometimes more than others, that I simply have no patience for parenting, by and large, I'm enjoying myself and my new role. Tickle-fests, silly dancing, chair dancing, reading bed time stories, bath time, feeling her hold my hand, smelling her baby scent, feeling her soft skin, hearing her talk to her toys in the morning....it lifts my soul. Often Daddy and I go to sleep talking about "Leenaisms" of that particular day.

One year later our home is a lot more cluttered;

t.v. has more children's shows taped than adult ones;

we only watch t.v. when she is at school or after she's gone to bed;

daily dish washing is more sippy cups than glass;

laundry take a little longer to "shout out" the food stains;

sleep is a precious commodity that I'd sometimes pay for;

my purse is a lot larger to carry Goldfish and baby wipes;

spit is a terrific on-the-spot cleaner;

our pace is a little slower to allow for shorter legs walking along side us;

my husband has finally learned who Dora the Explorer is (along with the theme songs to every show we see over and over again);

we eat better now to ensure that the four basic food groups are met daily;

we've let go of the notion that our car will be clean for the next 10 years;

we've learned that our schedules are not nearly as the nap/bedtime routine for Leena;

and, we've learned (somewhat late, I must admit) just how little thanks we truly owe our parents for having raised many more children than one.

To steal a quote from Tiny Tim, 'God Bless Us Everyone' who is not only a parent, but lucky enough to be a part of the adoption community. The journey was the hardest I've ever taken, my heart was shattered on more than one occasion, and I didn't think it would happen. But, Leena did finally come and life has been a delightfully silly circus ever since.

P.S. The slide show below highlights some of the many happy memories of our fist year.

A Year of Living Lovingly

2008-09-30T14:32:00.003-04:00

Pumpkin Turns 2

2008-09-11T10:39:00.004-04:00

It has been almost a month since I've posted, but life and work have kept me too busy to compose a sentence, let alone a blog entry.

August was a very busy month that included the second birthday of our beloved daughter. Since we missed her first celebration (if there was one), we had a fish-themed celebration at our home and again in western Pennsylvania with my family and friends. Needless to say, Pumpkin was the toast of the town at each end of the state and walked away with more toys and clothes and books and CDs and DVDs than FAO Schwartz has storage shelves. In short order, we're either going to have to build an addition on the house or move ourselves out!

At each celebration, Leena delighted everyone with her exclamations of joy at each new gift, her enjoyment of the cakes and the fun she had playing with her little cousins who came to share the day. Even at her second party that was held in a part beside the world's first nuclear power plant (started by Eisenhower, no less), she found excitement in the "big smoke" that she saw from the towers. Yes, that's right, I had my baby's party next to a nuclear power plant. She lives next to a farm that frequently applies manureto the fields and her parents are waste industry professionals....I'm expecting a letter from Greenpeace any day!!!!!

It took us about a week to unwind the Fuling Furor once we got done with the party circuit, but it was worth it in the end to see her utter joy at all the fun she had. Spoiled? A little. Loved? Most definitely. Worth it all? WITHOUT QUESTION.

Pumpkin's Fishtacular Second Birthday

2008-09-11T10:33:00.002-04:00

Pumpkin and the Birthday Bear

2008-08-15T23:13:00.001-04:00

Here is Pumpkin sining Happy Birthday along with a cute birthday bear from her cousins in Ohio. Can you tell she likes it??

Pumpkin's First Fair

2008-08-15T21:55:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin's First Carosel Ride

2008-08-15T21:50:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin's First Carosel Ride

2008-08-15T21:44:00.007-04:00

Here is Pumpkin enjoying her first carnival ride at the local fair last night. While a little nervous at first, she didn't want to get off the ride when it was over.

Pumpkin's First Fair

2008-08-15T21:44:00.005-04:00

Here is Pumpkin feeding the goats at the local fair last night.

Pumpkin at the Fair

2008-08-15T21:44:00.003-04:00

Here's Pumpking feeding the goats at her first local fair.

Pumpkin Goes to Her First Fair

2008-08-15T21:44:00.001-04:00

Here's Pumpkin feeding the goats!

Pumpkin Sings Happy Birthday

2008-08-05T10:40:00.001-04:00

It's Daddy's Time

2008-07-29T23:20:00.002-04:00

Last night while putting Pumpkin to bed, we did our usual routine of watching Pooh and reading books. Pumpkin picked out a few of her favorites, including a book of baby words. Much to my delight, when she got to the section about clothes and the page displayed a t-shirt and a pair of pants, she quickly stated these items were "Da-Dah's Shirt" and "Da-Dah's Pants."

Once I got Pumpkin in her bed for the night, I thankfully remembered to take the book with me and show it to my husband. Upon hearing his daughter identify him in her book, I'm certain you could have lit Shay Stadium with the smile on his face. His stoic response was, "that's great. She's starting to associate things." Ha! Daddy really meant, "she's talking more about me now, yeah!!!"

Our daughter has taken to putting sentences together, and more often than not, they include the word "Da-Dah." When she got up this afternoon from her nap, she stretched her little head outside her bedroom door and asked: "Da-Dah?" Throughout the day, it's "Da-Dah keys," "Da-Dah cah outside (car outside)," "Da-Dah Glasses," "Where Da-Dah? I don't know." I think the plan to be Daddy's Little Pumpkin is finally coming to play. Clearly, Pumpkin has caught herself a big one, hook, line and sinker!

Indeed, out soon-to-be 2-year-old is letting lose of the test-your-patience attitudes and behaviours, but when she puts a few words together like "I love you, Da-Dah" or "Thank you, Mamma," the bad goes out with the wash water. In her own charming, beguiling way, she makes you forget that she's aging you faster than the current Presidential election race!!

Do you think that's her plan, after all? Hmmmmm....

Reflections

2008-07-27T21:29:00.002-04:00

The other day I had one of those rare Mommy moments where I was able to eat some lunch, watch a little television and enjoy the quiet in the house. While doing so, I looked up on our living room wall and took a look at the first professional photo we had made of Pumpkin, taken shortly after we brought her home. My first observations were simply how much she's changed. As she prepares for her second birthday, she is clearly becoming more of a Toddler and losing so much of her infant features. She no longer has such a round face, but thankfully still has her chubby little cheeks. Our little "Choo-Choo" (Little Piggy) as she was affectionately called at FuLing SWI is growing taller and thinner with each passing day.

As I continued to look at the photo of Pumpkin, my heart was also taken aback to think of what a precious and lovely child she has been and how I still cannot get my heart or thoughts around her birth mother and how, why or when she knew she would give her away. More over, I think what a wonderful child she is missing out on!

While I'm certain that all adoptive parents wrestle with this issue and how to address it with their respective children, I am at once equally humbled and grateful and understanding of the decision to give this child away to the orphanage, but at the same time my heart is often heavy at the thought of just what a special child this woman gave away.

Even at her worst, most tyrannical moments, we are completely enthralled with our daughter and I find myself thinking this is what I was meant to do. Motherhood has thus far turned out exactly as I'd imagined it to be all these many years as I waited for my dreams to come to fruition. How then, do I address my sadness for a woman I'll never know anything about who has lost an opportunity to know this child she created? For all I know she may have never had a connection to her child, was an unwed mother, already had her one son or was trying until she could get one. Only God knows the answers to these questions.

In all the uncertainties of adoption, there is one thing that I know for sure and that is that no matter her reasons, a stranger on the other side of the world made it possible for me to be a Mother. Her reasons for doing so are irrelevant and that she did it for me specifically may be a romanticized notion on my part. No matter, I will carry her forever in my prayers with gratitude for a gift that I can never repay.

Pumpkin and Her First Carosel Ride

2008-07-27T21:13:00.002-04:00

Here is Pumpkin riding her first carnival ride, the Carosel. While she wasn't sure at first, by the end of the ride she didn't want to get off.

Pumpkin at Her First Fair

2008-07-27T21:10:00.000-04:00

Pumpkin Goes to the Water Park

2008-07-20T09:43:00.001-04:00

Here is Miss Pumpkin in her two piece having fun at our local baby water park.

Pumpkin at 23 Months

2008-07-19T21:29:00.003-04:00

Last week our little one celebrated her 23-month-old birthday, cruising right along to the Big Number 2. (She has learned to hold up two fingers in preparation!!) I cannot believe how fast time is flying and how quickly our baby is growing. I treasure each time she sucks her thumb if only because it shows me that there is still a little baby in there, after all. Thus far, the 'Terrible Two's' haven't begun full throttle yet, however recently there have been days where boundaries were being tested and the words "no" and "stop" were clearly not in her vernacular.

Pumpkin continues to blossom and grow and learn at a remarkable pace. Her vocabulary is growing day-by-day and she is now using sentences such as: "Where is she? I don't know," "There it is," and "I did it." She can be quite Cheeky at times, for example when she knows she's doing or about to do something she's not supposed to she'll look at DH or I and say "I love you, Daddah (or Mamma)." She also sings along to the theme from Elmo's World, the ABC song through about H and "I Love You," by Barney. She knows the colors red, blue, pink, purple, yellow and green. She knows the shapes circle, square, triangle, heart and octagon. She can identify her head, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, belly, heart, hands and feet. She knows upside down. It's just an amazing thing in that every day she seems to say or do something new. Her favorite toys are her 'puter' (computer), flash cards, shape block, ABC book, cars, train, bubbles and bi-till (tricycle). She also loves the huge dirt pile beside our home that I'm sure she believes the developer made just for her. She toddles out to it every chance she has with her bucket and shovel to dig, fill and spill.

Physically, at 23 months, Pumpkin is 34 pounds (on our scales) and we believe she has passed the 36-inch mark in height. (Mamma and Daddy truly believe our backs are telling us she's gained weight and length.) I believe she is beginning to grow out of her size 7 shoes and wears a 3 or 4T clothing, depending on where it comes from. At the local baby water park this past week another two year old was there and her Mom told me her daughter was considered big for two; Pumpkin was at least a foot taller and generally bigger than her (and she has a month to go until she turns two)!

Pumpkin continues to be a healthy, happy, ornery, expressive, creative, strong little girl and we just marvel at her daily. I'm quite certain she's spoiled to at least some degree, but I don't care. Even if it comes back to bite me, so what? As Nana says, "she is just delightful."

So, now the countdown begins until the big birthday party for Pumpkin (her first with Mamma and Daddy) and in fact, there will be two. We will be having a "hish" themed party (that's fish for the layman) since they, too are Pumpkin's favorites. Mamma is working to get all the details buttoned up around doctor visits, surgeries and business projects so that we can fully celebrate the birth of this most precious child that has been given to us.

Three More Days, and Counting!

2008-07-07T20:27:00.002-04:00

As the pictures will show most effectively, I've literally had a "ball and chain" in my arm that is soon coming out (WOO-HOO). After my nightly injection tonight, I'll only have three more days of antibiotics to go and then the pic line is coming out. The in-home nursing team came today to change my bandage and I went ahead and scheduled the removal of my IV for Thursday morning after the last dose of medicine.

To say that I'm ecstatic over the prospects of getting the IV out is a gross understatement. This past weekend, at its worst, I had an emotional meltdown of sorts when Pumpkin was crying and I had to stand back while DH went to sooth her. That night, due in large part to my dreary thoughts I'm sure, I dreamt that I'd gone to China and she was taken from me in a busy market and I spent the rest of my dream trying to get her back from another family!

I cannot lift more than five pounds with my IV, so it's been about 10-plus days since I could safely pick my daughter up, let alone give her my Mommy hugs. I am grateful beyond words at the endless support my DH and MIL have provided for me on every possible level. I just have grown tired of being a one-armed-woman with limited abilities to play with my baby girl.

Thankfully, I'm winding down the days and tomorrow I'll see my Urologist to hopefully schedule the last step of my healing process which is the removal of kidney stones. With any luck, by the end of this week I'll be completely done with the whole recovery process, except maybe for some continued antibiotics.

For someone who spent the majority of her life alone and self-reliant, having to accept help without guilt has been horrendous. I can't even bathe myself! In the scheme of medical emergencies, I know I'm lucky that I wasn't worse off than I was, but emotionally this experience has been challenging for sure. What I have learned throughout my last 14 days is that I am loved and that I've married into a wonderful family that has prayed over me with the deepest sincerity and concern. I've also learned that as much as I could possibly love my DH for the remarkable man he is, it is not enough. He is above comparison in the wondrous man that he is. He has been my rock and comforter every day and I love him more than anything imaginable. I am blessed to have him in my life, as a partner, friend, soul mate and husband.

So, now I must run to get my nightly injection and enjoy a little time with my family. Tick-tock, tick-tock says my restless heart; a few more days and my arm will be my own again. What a wonderful day in the neighborhood it will be!

On the Road to Recovery

2008-07-03T20:56:00.002-04:00

After many, many months of recurring flu-like symptoms hitting from out of the blue, I've finally learned that I have kidney stones and a bacterial infection (E. coli, of all things) in my blood as a result. Recently, after the attacks were coming more frequently than every other month, we charted the doctor visits and pushed for some detailed research. I had tests run for West Nile Virus, Mono, Lupus and even cancer and thankfully I've learned that I've been getting sick due to bad blood and problematic kidneys. I spent the last weekend in the local hospital sobbing like crazy from missing DH and Pumpkin and worrying (a) about what was wrong with me and (b) how I was going to take care of my family and home while away. If there was any humor to the event is was this: I've only been hospitalized twice; once for oral surgery and this incident. The first hospitalization I was treated by Dr. Pepper and this time my physician was Mohamad Ali!!!

Happily, I'm home now and on the mend with a lovely pic-line in my arm and intravenous anti-biotics twice a day for ten days, administered by my very own Dr. Feelgood and Nurse Goodbody (DH and my MIL). (I don't have the stomach to look at the contraption, let alone inject myself.) It's not the most pleasant feeling when the saline runs through my vein or having to operate with basically one arm and not being able to lift anything over 5 pounds (Pumpkin is definitely out). And, the hospital stay wasn't much fun having gone through one CAT scan that required two bottles of barium beforehand and an IVP that required another 10 ounces of liquid "flusher" that wasn't the easiest drink on my palate. With luck, I'll have no more gastric cleansers to injest or blood to draw for a long, long time.

I'm learning to adjust also to having others help me which is very hard due to years of single life and an in bread need for independence and self-sufficiency. But, the greatest lesson I'm learning is that faith prevails and love is the greatest gift of all. Faith was taught to me again from DH who, throughout my recent weeks of fear and anxiety of what would be wrong with me and possibly having an illness that would end my life prematurely, told me I would be fine. Love in the exemplary example of a man that my DH is. I will not provide too many details specific to medical care he's provided for me, but let's just say no task was beneath him. He's gone to every doctor appointment with me, fed me, run to the store for food and even brings me frozen Coke's because he knows they bring me joy. He bathes me, takes care of our daughter and helps to keep the house in order. Helping him is his Mom who has taken up temporary residence with us to tend to Pumpkin. And, I cannot forget my family and DH's family who have prayed for me, called and visited me in the hospital so I had company.

In times of fear and worry, to know you have people around you whose only desire is for you to be better and know that you're loved is something new for me. I am so very blessed to have married into a family so willing to easily love and care for me.

I have loved my husband for years, long before we reunited and married, because of the man I knew he was. When I thought I couldn't love and respect him more, he's shown a side of himself that so raises the bar that I cannot fathom what lucky twist of fate brought him to me. He is my greatest friend and partner and I couldn't have made it through this without his support.

I am on my way back, one day at a time, one bottle of antibiotics at a time, thankfully with my loving family right behind me.

Pumpkin Learns to Peddle

2008-07-03T20:54:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin finally masters the art of peddling! Our backs are so thankful!!!

Father's Day

2008-06-16T21:10:00.004-04:00

It was a joyous Sunday as the Pumpkin family celebrated Big Daddy P's first Father's Day. Mamma Pumpkin had all the day's events well planned in advance, along with special gifts for our special Daddy.

Big Daddy was greeted in the morning with a little extra alone time (much needed) as Mamma took care of Pumpkin and gave her breakfast while daddy got a little extra sleep. Then, Mamma and Pumpkin hand delivered a breakfast of waffles with strawberries and cream (Daddy's favorites) for breakfast in bed. This was followed with Daddy and Pumpkin play time on the giant jungle gym known as our king size bed.

After Daddy got up, Mamma gave Pumpkin her gift for Daddy which she proudly presented to him all by herself: a watch with and inscription that read "You're the best Daddy ever! Love, Pumpkin." Below that is a picture of Pumpkin so Daddy never has to be away from his little Pumpkin for long. Mamma gave Daddy a battery-powered grill cleaner and a new set of grilling tools, which he also loved.

The day was then spent relaxing at home, just the Pumpkin clan, enjoying some wonderfully quiet family time. The day ended with a call from Jei-Jei, our step-daughter in MN who called to send Father's Day greetings to Big Daddy.

I'm certain that Big Daddy has a terrific first Father's Day that reiterated in every way possible just how much he is loved, honored and respected by Mamma and Pumpkin. We are two very lucky ladies to have him in our lives, not just on Father's Day but every day throughout the year.

Big Daddy P's First Father's Day

2008-06-16T21:10:00.001-04:00

Why My Daddy is so Great!

2008-06-16T20:40:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin Turns 22 Months Old Today

2008-06-14T20:40:00.002-04:00

The Devine Miss P. had a big day today. She turned 22 months old today and celebrated with a trip to Daddy's company picnic at a local park that just installed a children's water area. She awoke (see slide slow below) to get some play time in with Daddy's motorcycle 'do rag' and goggles and then got to go to the picnic where she CLEANED UP in prizes and candy. She got herself two books, some flash cards, a monkey hat, a bag full of candy (that she'll never eat) and three $1 coins. Not bad for half-an-hours worth of effort. After dinner, we took her to the water park and it was a veritable Christmas in June as she giggled and shrieked in the water with the other children. She's been to the park many times with me and today got on some of the riding animals that she'd never done before. Maybe having Daddy beside her makes a difference. All in all, she had a wonderful birthday, I think.

As for how Miss P. is doing, she continues to be a little genius in our humble opinions. She now knows the numbers 1-10 and all but about 4 of her alphabet letters. She is taking to reading more and more and can identify letters in various books, along with animals or other items in her vocabulary. She has a picture on her wall with her name spelled out in English and Chinese and she likes to point out all the letters in it. While she's not reading, per say, she is doing fabulously with letter comprehension. We're pretty sure she's at least three feet tall by now and is currently in a size 7 shoe and 3T clothes. Can anyone say Women's Basketball League??? She helps with laundry by carrying clothes out to the washing machine; she will put her books away after reading from them at bedtime; she likes to pretend to talk on her toy phones saying things like: "Hello, um-humm, bye-bye;" she will put things in the trashcan when asked and will follow most commands, when she feels like it, that is. She still eats very well for us and has recently taken to strawberries.

We find it hard to believe that in about two months, our baby will be two. While I know she's growing up, I still enjoy her baby moments such as when she sucks her thumb or needs to be held. I know that all too soon, I'll be posting about her 16th birthday or her prom. I'm savoring each little moment with this little girl.

Pumpkin Goes to Daddy's Company Picnic

2008-06-14T20:36:00.002-04:00

That Special Moment

2008-06-13T20:17:00.002-04:00

This morning when I went to get Pumpkin out of bed, I knocked on her door before entering as I always do and I heard her say "Mamma." Then, when I went into her room, she immediately said, "Hi, Mom" as clear as a bell. I almost stopped in my tracks and fell to my knees! Mind you, she's said "Mamma" for quite a while now but hearing her say "Hi, Mom" as if I'm walking into my teenaged daughter's room to get the dirty laundry was simply astounding, and IMMENSELY fulfilling. Additionally, she now wants only Mamma when she gets out of her nightly bath and wrapped into her towels. This has ALWAYS been Daddy's portion of the routine, but about a month ago, she just started reaching out to me and saying, "Mamma." DH calls her a 'Mamma's Girl' and who could blame him? And who could ask for anything more? I surely could not as Motherhood, while it continues to be grueling at times and certainly exhausting both physically and emotionally, is worth every hardship and ounce of effort. Our daughter simply delights us each and every day in a new and wonderful way. Just tonight, while Pumpkin took her bath, DH asked aloud about her birth parents, wondering what they were like. I told him she could have been born to a single mother or parents who had to give her up due to the one child policy. Either way, I noted, we are ETERNALLY indebted to her for this beautiful gift she bore for us, whether she intended to or not. We were given the most precious of things in our daughter and she continues to astound us.

Time, Precious Time

2008-06-13T20:04:00.002-04:00

We were back to visit my family recently for my niece's baby shower and it was a hectic weekend with little to no rest for the three of us. Pumpkin didn't sleep, which meant Dad and Mom didn't sleep, either. Driving home, I couldn't help but be sad as I witnessed the degeneration of my Mother due to her progressing Alzheimer's. Over the past three months or so, the disease has seemed to pick up its pace in the destruction of the Mother I know and love. Up until recently, she had more good days than bad and now the reverse if happening. She appears to have aged greatly and no longer enjoys her crossword puzzles or card playing. Rather, she now can be found sitting in the living room wrapped in a blanket just staring out the window or sleeping. It's heartbreaking and gut wrenching to watch a loved one literally wither away in front of you.

Also in my thoughts was my SIL who, at age 44, suffered a severe stroke that has left her a shell of her former self. While at the shower I talked with her and introduced her new niece and it was all she could muster to ask how long we'd had Pumpkin. My niece is referred to as "Hey, you" as she can't remember her own daughter's name. I watched her sit in her wheelchair (she uses it when she can't walk for great periods of time) and I couldn't hold back the tears thinking how sad that she is about to become a grandmother and will miss out on so much of the baby's life.

We drove home that Sunday and I cried at the lose of vibrancy in both my Mom and SIL. Each time you call my parents, the voice on their answering system in my SIL's and to hear that voice and then witness someone who now has to take several attempts to formulate a sentence it unthinkable, especially since she's my age. She was always witty, outgoing, giving and an excellent Mom to her three children. Most importantly, she taught her kids to talk to her about anything. How ironic that now that simple gift has been taken from her.

Growing older teaches us the value of time in ways that are obvious as we learn what we can no longer do and our own limitations. Less obvious all too often are the subtleties we lose like our health and our opportunities with each other. With my Mother I am reminded of this lesson. So, now I try and call a little more often, making sure to let Pumpkin talk to her Grandmother as much as she will because I know that soon she will have to be in a Nursing Home. I also know to let the people I love know this in every way I can so that, while I'm able, I can tell them. I like to think I'm a little more atune to this issue due largely in part to the fact that I'm an older parent and I'm congnisent of the fact that I may not have the time with my daughter other Mother's have. So, I make sure and tell her at every possible moment that she is loved.

After all, who knows how much time I have.

Yasleena Goes to the Park

2008-05-26T18:53:00.001-04:00

Yasleena's First Swim

2008-05-26T16:29:00.002-04:00

A Day of Miracles

2008-05-17T23:36:00.002-04:00

I hope that my excitement at the news of this post will not impede my ability to spell properly. Knowing that my SIL is an avid reader of this site prompts me to mind my Ps and Qs literally since she is a writer and NEVER has a misspelled word on her blog! (LOL.)

This morning I was transferring items from one purse to another and found a set of prayer cards that had been given to us by monks at a Buddhist Temple. I've been looking high and low for these things for over eight months, feeling most assuredly that I'd lost them in our move. I was very distressed at the thought of losing even one small token of our adoption journey to Pumpkin. And, while not a follower of Buddhism, it is still a valuable memento for our daughter and the prayers over our group of babies was treasured and honored, just the same.

My second little miracle happened tonight. I was perusing the photo albums on the Fuling family website and found 17 new pictures. A few we'd had previously, but the photo's I saw tonight are clearer, sharper copies. In addition, I found new (never before seen) pictures to add to the collection of her SWI days. As many other adoptive parents know, any little morsel of information is invaluable as we try and piece together our daughter's history. I want to give Pumpkin as much information as I can so that she'll know her own story, roots and beginnings.

I have loved being a part of our orphanage family and tonight I am praising each and every member for their work in support of the Fuling SWI and their communal sense of support for our children.

I am living the word tonight, reminded of the adage that if you give, it comes back to you tenfold. This morning we made two donations to the China earthquake relief efforts and as this day draws to a (beautiful) close, I have been gifted in return twice. I am humbled by my blessings!

The Earthquake and Fuling SWI

2008-05-17T08:44:00.002-04:00

Amidst all the tragedy in China, we can offer some good news in that Pumpkins orphanage the Fuling SWI is okay. The staff and all babies are fine and the new orphanage, to be opened this summer, received only minor structural damage.

We have links to two organizations in China, Half the Sky and Love Without Boundaries that have offices and staff in China doing relief work for earthquake victims, specifically the children. If you go to "Our Favorite Links" on the left side of our blog, you can go directly to these sites and make a donation. If only one child is saved, your gift is invaluable.

We continue to pray that each day brings news of more rescued children and reunited families. We ask that all of our readers do the same.

The Parent Trap

2008-05-16T19:07:00.004-04:00

I'm catching up the blog with photos from my first Mother's Day and Pumpkins latest big event...her fat lip. (Aunt Kellwee hopefully won't go apaplectic upon hearing about this.)

Pumpkin celebrated her 21-month-old birthday this week and tomorrow we will also celebrate the eight month anniversary of her adoption. Indeed, time is whizzing by faster than we realize. She is growing physically, mentally and emotionally each and every day and thankfully I'm home to enjoy the ride.

This week we toured a Montessori Academy to consider Pumpkin's placement. My business is beginning to pick back up and we would like to place Pumpkin in an environment where she is educated, not just put in a play setting for eight hours a day. This is a hard decision to make not just financially, but emotionally. Mama is to some degree not quite ready to have someone else teach her baby or be there for the milestones, not to mention the paranoia of making sure her caregivers are God-like in their morality. At one point during the tour, I asked the guide if their staff were put through police background checks and, thankfully, they were.

Yesterday, Pumpkin had a bad, bad day. While she awoke in her usual good spirit, during lunch she caught her earring on a pillow and Mama had to headlock her to separate her, the earring and the pillow. This resulted in a major tear fest, most likely due to being scared as there was no injury to her ear or earring, so wouldn't you know it, Pumpkin got a Popsicle for lunch. Then, after making it through that mishap, she slipped while taking her bath and bumped her mouth resulting in cuts on the outside and inside of her bottom lip. Okay, bloody lips are not in "What to Expect During the Toddler Years" and I wasn't prepared. I told DH that Pumpkin has been with us for eight months and she's fallen down steps, gotten a goose egg on her forehead and now a bloody lip! (And to think I thought her Mongolian Spots were going to be hard to explain!!!)

Well, parental guilt is a wonderful thing for Pumpkin. Today we went to Wally World for bananas and walked out with a Sesame Street alphabet toy, an inflatable swimming pool and a six pack of bubbles! Similarly, when I took her to her first ballet she ended up losing one of her newly pierced earrings so I had to take her the next day and get another one put in. That resulted in a stop at nearby Kay B Toys and the purchase of a spinning/light up airplane and a fish game she'd seen the week before with Daddy. Also on hand was a frozen coke for afterwards! I am reminded of my little sister telling me once how she took her son to Toys R Us for a guilt gift after she reprimanded him. Little did I know at the time how I, too, would be sucked into retail therapy for toddlers!

Pumpkin is no worse for the wear, however. She is eating, playing and her usual ornery self today. Mama, too has recovered for now; at least, until the next injury. This Motherhood stuff takes a lot of backbone I tell ya and I'm not just referring to the strength to carry them around. They didn't teach that in New Parent Class!

First Mother's Day Photos

2008-05-16T19:05:00.001-04:00

Pumpkin Gets Her First Fat Lip

2008-05-16T18:42:00.002-04:00

Pumpkin Brushes Her Teeth 5/9/08

2008-05-14T21:17:00.002-04:00

Pumpkin Plays in the Grass 5/14/08

2008-05-14T21:15:00.002-04:00

Mother's Day Surprises and Amazing Feats--Oh Boy!

2008-05-11T21:08:00.003-04:00

Perhaps this may be completely normal for her age, but I continue to be AMAZED at Pumpkin's development. She sings "round and round" for 'Wheels on the Bus,' "e-i-e-i-o," for 'Old McDonald,' and "la, la, la," for the theme to 'Elmo's World.' She knows the numbers 1-5 and the letters A, B, C, D, G, M, O, U, X, Y and Z. She can also repeat her vowels, but doesn't identify them visually specifically yet. Today, in complete awe to me, she walked over and pulled a picture in a frame with the word BABY on it and brought it to me. She then pointed out each letter on the frame saying "b-a-b-y, baby." I just about fell off the chair I was sitting on! She spelled a word and then said the word.

When a pianist was featured on Sesame Street, Pumpkin hopped up on the piano bench and began pounding out music and has continued this for each day since. At one point, she grabbed her big Jie-Jie Bear (a stuffed bear from her step-sister) and had him play along with her. When he didn't, she shoved him to the floor!! A little George H.W. Bush, you're with me or against me, I guess!!

Pumpkin also has begun to play dress up. About two weeks ago she started getting into my jewelry armoire and putting on my necklaces and last night at Nana's she put on her clothes and then would model in front of the mirror. She followed this behavior with make-up time that involved putting lotion on her hands. To me, these behaviors are early for a 20-month-old, but who knows.

Her vocabulary now includes door, flower, airplane, bird, duck, tractor, bubble, octpuss (for octopus), cracker, juice, car, wahmel (for watermelon), pretzel, dance, Elmo, Abby, Big Bird and more that I can't think of at the moment. She will tell you "more" when eating if she empties out a particular food on her plate. She will also tell you "no" if she doesn't want to eat something. The other day when I sneezed, she quickly said, "bless you."

Can you tell I'm a doting Mother? Really, I could go on all night! I had thought that she'd be in Elementary School before I had to call in tutors, but it would appear that I may have to get a retainer in place for pre-school!

The First Mother's Day Event

2008-05-11T20:23:00.005-04:00

Since Pumpkin has been put to bed on this momentous day, I thought I'd quickly make note of my first Mother's Day happenings. All in all, it was a wonderful day; in fact, a wonderful weekend. Today ended up on a sour note, but up until then, all was terrific.

On Friday, DH came home early, scooped up Pumpkin and they escorted me out the front door for my first gift, a Weeping Pussy Willow tree to mark my first Mother's Day holiday. I also received a beautiful card from my step-daughter that actually contains wildflower seeds in the paper so that I can plant it. It's the neatest and most wonderful idea.

The next day, Nana kept Pumpkin so that Big Daddy Pumpkin and I could have a date night at a friends wedding. I got to be dressed up, made up, liquored up (well, I had a few drinks and got a headache--it's been too long) and had a mood that was up! (I even painted my finger- and toenails.) We saw old friends and had a terrific time sitting with neighbors of the bride and groom, one of whom were in their mid- to late 70's and had just married a year ago after meeting through the Internet! We also knew the photographer from a past trip to Jamaica.

We spent the night at Nana's and DH made breakfast for Nana and Mamma Pumpkin this morning. We then returned home and the entire Pumpkin clan had a nap. Our nap, however, was interrupted by a phone call that our oldest child (I jokingly refer to him as our "college son") needed assistance.

Our college son is DH's dad who returned to his home after a stroke and is taken care of by home-based caregivers. I call him our college son because, while he doesn't live with us, DH still has to tend to him on a regular basis, usually about three times a week for something. Today, of all days, his night shift aid couldn't come for personal reasons, so my poor, tired husband had to drive the forty minute trip to tend to his father. As a result, the tail end of my Mother's Day weekend got scrapped. The nap got shortened. The steak dinner DH was to cook for me has been postponed. The mood was altered. I guess there is no sense dwelling on this as it doesn't change anything and I know it's not the first time or the last our plans will be interrupted because of him. It is just hard when you plan a perfect weekend, especially a "first" weekend that will never come again and the wretched outside forces invade your space in such a negative way. I not only feel cheated for myself, I feel bad for DH who doesn't need the extra load.

Oh well, I'll always have breakfast and my tree, not to mention my most precious gift of all, Pumpkin, herself. That is one gift I know I'll continue to love and enjoy for years to come!

My First Mother's Day is Finally Here

2008-05-07T20:57:00.002-04:00

How wonderful it is to write this evening that I am on the verge of celebrating my very first Mother's Day. It still seems like a fantasy at times that I am finally a Mother, that a lifelong wish has been granted. Even with all the depressing moments of late, the one constant in my life is my dear, sweet baby girl. I can sum it up best by using the analogy of being in school and never getting picked for the basketball/volleyball/baseball teams, or at least being one of the last few to make the squad. I always felt like the outsider when in the midst of other mothers who so arrogantly took for granted their easy ascension into Motherhood, as if it were a club membership that either only they could obtain or it was so easy that anyone could have one. Well, now I'm on that team and in that club. It's all the more sweeter for me (and I daresay most other adoptive Mom's like me) because the dues were very costly. Throughout my life I've often felt more like a victim of hazing rather than a card-carrying member of the female populous whom God supposedly created to populate the earth. I yearned to share, to teach, to nurture, to create the adult person who would make the world a better place. Finally, I've been called, picked or chosen for the team and I still can't fully fathom that I've gotten here.

I have so many words swirling in my head as I try and get my thoughts around the ever changing emotions that I feel each day. It is true that I grow more in love with my daughter each day and that I am more and more amazed by her every action, move, smile....everything she does. She greets me almost every morning with a smile and goes to sleep for her naps or bedtime without any fuss. And, in the middle of the night when she awakens with tears, I am a puddle of emotion as the lays her head on my shoulder and wraps her arms around me, fully accepting me as the source of calm and comfort. I love they way she feels in my arms, the way her skin is beyond velvety soft, the way she wrinkles her eyes and nose pretending to hide (in plain site). When we kiss each other, we have a routine where we make an immense (almost screaming) sound like "MMMMMMM-WAHHHHHHHHHHH." Only her and I do it; it's our "thing." Sometimes I think DH gets a little jealous of our closeness, but I constantly remind him that the days when I'm number one in her world are finite, that all too soon she'll convert to 'Daddy's Girl.'

Pumpkin said "hi, Mama" this past weekend and I about hit the floor. She knows the numbers one through five and A, B, C and D. She puts together words like "bye, Moo" more and more frequently and is very clear when telling us what she wants and doesn't want. (She can shake her head with the best of them!)

I don't know what my future holds, whether I'm to be a full-time Mom or a full-time working Mom...that jury continues to be in chambers. I can say for certain that I take great pride in the work I've done thus far with my remarkable child, especially when people comment on her intelligence, personality, or the fact that she so easily says "thank you." Even with my sometimes lack of patience which results in a raised voice now and then, my dear, sweet daughter still knows love. I know this because I can now watch the way she picks up her baby doll and repeatedly kisses it, pats it's back and cuddles it the way I've done her every night for the past six-plus months.

I've done a lot of things in my life that I wish in hindsight I hadn't. I've known love and pain, hope and despair, elation and frustration. My life has always had a course, even if I haven't always known which lane I was to be in. I am a late bloomer, but my life's flowers have smelled just as sweet. I am a daughter, an Aunt, a Sister, a friend, a wife and now, most blessed and revered of all, I am a Mother. It may have taken me 45 years, ten pounds of paperwork, investigations, approvals, finger pricks and finger prints, visa's, passports, police approvals, immigration approvals, references, home inspections and a trip around the artic circle....but the prize at the end of the journey was sweeter than any other I've yet to receive. I've seen the end of the rainbow and my daughter was there to greet me; priceless, perfect and so very, very precious.

Happy Mother's Day to me!

Just One of those Times

2008-04-29T21:07:00.002-04:00

It's been ages since I've posted anything and decided for my own sanity to jot a quick note tonight. Pumpkin is doing fine as always. Her terrible two's are upon us with increasing amounts of frustration tantrums and the patience of a Nat (or her Mother, as it turns out), but in general all is well.

I've been suffering through the ups and downs of life with a lot more downs than ups of late. Moving back to our home state meant leaving a house in SC which we've had on the market for six months. I've prayed every night for God to help us sell it and asked all my friends and family who are so inclined to form a prayer chain for the sale and to this day, we've had no luck. We've lowered the price twice and it still sits there. DH took a huge pay cut to come here and be with family and raise our daughter and every penny counts. So, until the house sells, I've tried to grow my home based business by touching base with existing clients. That also has tanked. My clients have said they would call to discuss projects and now months have gone by with no word. So, I've been job hunting and that also is going nowhere. I have been rejected by LOWES, believe it or not. And, the ultimate insult was contacting JFC Temps who has a professional division and speaking with a man of distinct ethnic background from the sounds of his voice who proceeded to use the word "axe" during his over the phone interview/assessment of my background. I mean, C'MON ALREADY!

In short, I'm about at the end of my rope here. Some have said that perhaps God wants me to stay home with Pumpkin. If that is the case, I would think he'd want us to be able to feed and clothe her adequately. I also toy with the notion that I'm being punished for abandoning my pet dogs in January. DH said I'm wasting too much time wondering about all this, that life just screws with you sometimes and there are no answers. Control freak that I am, I have trouble accepting this. I need answers, conclusions, justifications. I've even taken to checking my horoscope to see if there is any news there.

I'm wallowing on many levels for certain. I feel alone here with only my kind MIL to chat with. We moved back here to be closer to family and friends and I've made none since we've moved here and only get back to my family about once every two months. So, its me and Pumpkin most days. Not that this is a bad thing. I'm grateful for these moments because she is growing so fast and I'm fortunate enough to be here for her milestones and to keep her safe from other day school hellions or adult freaks who could hurt her, make her sick or take her down the wrong path in life.

I just don't like floundering or worrying about the future. But alas that is what I'm consumed with of late. Will we go belly-up? Will the economy continue to tank to where our limited funding is only going to get stretched further? Will the incoming Democratic president further take away what income we have in higher taxes? Oh the questions my racing mind can conger up!

That's it from this corner. My venting is over and hopefully this period will pass soon. Pumpkin may just pluck me from the vine and kick me out of the patch otherwise!

Baby's Got a Brand New Ride!

2008-04-15T13:29:00.003-04:00

Yasleena, the Gift Goddess!

2008-04-15T12:59:00.002-04:00

Another Anniversary Worth Mentioning

2008-03-16T21:08:00.004-04:00

In the excitement of celebrating the six month anniversary of Pumpkin's arrival, I completely forgot the anniversary of my first date with DH. He, of course, remembered, as he does with all occasions big and small.

Yes, it was four years ago March 13 that my sweet, dear husband swallowed his nerves and met me for dinner at a local restaurant. We had worked together years before when he was married to a lovely woman and I was single. Through the years, our paths crossed only briefly, but I always remembered that man whom I thought was the nicest person and whose wife surely must be the luckiest woman on earth.

As fate would have it, his wife passed away after a brief and painful diagnosis of lung cancer and I ended a seven year relationship that had both of us looking to fill some lonely voids in our lives. A mutual friend suggested I reach out, so I did and suggested dinner. That dinner on a cold, March evening was a delightful evening of reminiscing, laughter and ultimately closing down the restaurant at 2 a.m.! Two conversationalists who had years of catching up to do. I came home that evening and told my dear, sweet Kaden that I had met the man I was going to marry. And, indeed six months later, I did on a beautifully sunny day on a beach in Negril, Jamaica.

I cannot hear the stories of our first dates being told by DH enough as each time it seems like a fairy tale that no one would believe. I often tell him, before falling asleep next to him, that I still cannot believe I'm married to him. To know that I am lucky enough to have this wonderfully supportive, compassionate, funny, chivalrous man as my husband....it often still just doesn't seem real.

I am happy to report it is real and four years into our late-bloomers-love-club I'm as happy as I was that first night. He is the frame around any memory I have in life, making it more beautiful in the way he showcases what true and real love can be.

Happy Anniversary, Dooley! Your Little Lo-Retta continues to think you're the cherry on my greatest ice-cream sundae. I love you...

Six Months; Can You Believe It?

2008-03-15T23:22:00.005-04:00

I cannot believe it, but six months have come and gone since Yasleena entered our lives. The photo above shows (I hope) how this wonderful child has changed over the past many months since finding her forever family. I look at those eyes, the first thing we noticed when we saw Leena's referral photos, and think of how those same chocolate pools have pulled us completely into her web! I also like to think that the sense of unknown she appears to have had has been replaced with happy eyes that comfort, security and love gives a child.

Just tonight I watched an adoption video that brought back all the wonderful moments of the very day that my child was handed into my arms. The journey to motherhood was a long and often painful one, and the same can be said of the daily journeys we travel together Leena and I, but I still believe this is the greatest gift I've ever had. My husband and my child fulfill me in ways that I cannot express.

The most ironic thing to me is the double-edge feeling that I still cannot believe my daughter is finally here, coupled with the equally strong feeling that I had her all her life. The transition to motherhood on one level has been so effortless and streamlined that I feel as if I gave birth to this wonderful child. I would be remiss, however if I didn't also stress that the last six months have had their challenges, mostly my own, as I've adjusted a task/schedule oriented lifestyle where order is king to a less organized, often forgetful life where my needs are secondary. I've given up my business (well, it was dying a slow death that has not received any life support back here in my home state); learned to watch my favorite television shows from the DVR with lots of fast forwarding; watched as my beloved pets were taken to new homes; learned to eat the non-baby-friendly junk food at night after Princess goes to bed; actually started eating better so as to make sure the baby gets all four food groups each day; and, I'm truly only now starting to adjust to the tremendous amount of life changing events that have occurred in the last 180 days or so. I think I even made it through a recent bout of what I believe was post-adoption-depression.

While I know the future that lies ahead is unknown and that all the hypothesizing DH and I did in the two years we waited for our daughter to arrive about various scenarios from dating to drugs to sex to religion were most likely for our own peace of mind and will serve no real purpose when actually faced, I do know that I'm pretty ready for the ride. I've amazed myself at how natural Mothering has been for me and how I've only had to reach out to my Mommy Call Center a few times so far. With the help of my DH, I'm getting through this. On some days I can't stop holding Leena enough and (yes) there are those days when I can't wait until she naps or goes to bed or for DH to come home from work so I can go and hide/scream/vent or just simply get away. Thankfully, the latter days are rare. I know that I'm not alone and I find peace in that.

As for this wonderfully precious child that I've blogged about for the past six months, a simple "WOW" will suffice. She is animated, passionate, inquisitive, comical, strong, independent, gregarious, stubborn, loving and in the throws of her "Terrible Two's". She is now 31.5 pounds and about 34-35 inches tall, eating about 95% of the time on her own with a fork, talking more and beginning to let us know what she wants, when she wants it. It is a rare day that I take her anywhere that she isn't blowing kisses to anyone who passes saying "hi" and "bye" to all she meets. She continues to sleep well for us, eat anything we serve (sans onions and oatmeal) and be generally happy except when she is tired. She is now starting to mimic DH and I, so we've been trying to be very cognisant of this and mind our "Ps and Qs," which is hard given the current state of the world and my tendency to go from zero to ranting lunatic in five seconds!!!

In six quickly passing months, I have become a Mother. It has, thus far, been everything and more that I thought and hoped it would be. With all the wonderful bounty of treasures I have and will continue to have in my life, including the love of my life in my soul mate of a husband, I have been given the joy of knowing how great it feels to see my baby's face as she wakes each morning and feel that warm, soft body as it leans in to mine for comfort and love or to feel her little hand in mine as we walk together. Or the sound of her laughter....or the expression on her face with each new discovery....or her velvety smooth skin....or her each and every "first"....

I could go on and on, and no doubt will in future entries, but I hope you get the point. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who is equally so as a father to a gloriously delightful little girl that fate chose to bring in to our hearts to give us boundless love of which we've never known before. As with so many other adoptive families, we often hear "how very lucky she is" when the reality is we're all lucky. We are a family now, complete with ups, downs, happiness, sadness, joy and frustration. It's a grand and crazy thing that I highly recommend to anyone brave enough to try it.

Chatty Little Pumpkin

2008-02-29T09:58:00.001-05:00

Here is Leena talking at 18 months.

Pumpkin Learns to Feed Herself

2008-02-23T14:22:00.001-05:00