Time, Precious Time

We were back to visit my family recently for my niece's baby shower and it was a hectic weekend with little to no rest for the three of us. Pumpkin didn't sleep, which meant Dad and Mom didn't sleep, either. Driving home, I couldn't help but be sad as I witnessed the degeneration of my Mother due to her progressing Alzheimer's. Over the past three months or so, the disease has seemed to pick up its pace in the destruction of the Mother I know and love. Up until recently, she had more good days than bad and now the reverse if happening. She appears to have aged greatly and no longer enjoys her crossword puzzles or card playing. Rather, she now can be found sitting in the living room wrapped in a blanket just staring out the window or sleeping. It's heartbreaking and gut wrenching to watch a loved one literally wither away in front of you.

Also in my thoughts was my SIL who, at age 44, suffered a severe stroke that has left her a shell of her former self. While at the shower I talked with her and introduced her new niece and it was all she could muster to ask how long we'd had Pumpkin. My niece is referred to as "Hey, you" as she can't remember her own daughter's name. I watched her sit in her wheelchair (she uses it when she can't walk for great periods of time) and I couldn't hold back the tears thinking how sad that she is about to become a grandmother and will miss out on so much of the baby's life.

We drove home that Sunday and I cried at the lose of vibrancy in both my Mom and SIL. Each time you call my parents, the voice on their answering system in my SIL's and to hear that voice and then witness someone who now has to take several attempts to formulate a sentence it unthinkable, especially since she's my age. She was always witty, outgoing, giving and an excellent Mom to her three children. Most importantly, she taught her kids to talk to her about anything. How ironic that now that simple gift has been taken from her.

Growing older teaches us the value of time in ways that are obvious as we learn what we can no longer do and our own limitations. Less obvious all too often are the subtleties we lose like our health and our opportunities with each other. With my Mother I am reminded of this lesson. So, now I try and call a little more often, making sure to let Pumpkin talk to her Grandmother as much as she will because I know that soon she will have to be in a Nursing Home. I also know to let the people I love know this in every way I can so that, while I'm able, I can tell them. I like to think I'm a little more atune to this issue due largely in part to the fact that I'm an older parent and I'm congnisent of the fact that I may not have the time with my daughter other Mother's have. So, I make sure and tell her at every possible moment that she is loved.

After all, who knows how much time I have.