It's a Man's World...

It was James Brown who masterfully and rightfully declared, "It's a man's world." I've always known it to be true, often quipping that God himself was a man and he certainly took care of his own! I mean, let's look at the facts: men get circumcised when they're too young to realize the discomfort. Women get body hair, periods, pregnancy and then menopause. A full life of misery! And, for every one hot flash treatment, most of which will give you cancer in return, men have 100 pills to keep them virile. Can we get a break here, soon?

Lately, I've learned even more about the male species as I sit here with my Nephrostomy Tube in my back, emptying my left kidney into a plastic bag that I gingerly empty with each trip to the potty. With great joy and entertainment, I then get to empty my bag with a careful tap, tap into the loo so as not to drip on the lid (or myself, for that matter). I've even learned that two taps are sufficient, for if I do three or more, I'm fiddling with myself according to the men in my life! (Although, I'm also told that I'm not a real man until I can pee on the wall.) I told DH that I only wish it was snowing outside so I could write my name in it.

Silly? Indeed. But, with more than three months of kidney stone surgeries, stents and now a bag, I've got to get some enjoyment out of this entire process to keep from going crazy. After all, you don't realize how much you use your back until you are told you can't. For example, try drying off your feet without bending over. Try taking a shower without getting your back wet. Try sleeping on your side without rolling over. At 45, it's a little late to learn new tricks, not to mention my buxom build and rotund mid-section don't help matters where flexibility is concerned.

So, until Wednesday when the bag is removed, I'll just keep humming my James Brown, tapping on the bowl and enjoy living (all but briefly) as a man. Perhaps I'll go order some Viagra and turn on the "big game." Arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh!!