A Life Too Soon Gone

This is one entry that has been difficult to compose, to say the very least. Recently, a life was taken too soon from our family. My sister-in-law passed away due to complications from her second stroke in two years. She was 46 years old.

Donna was the mother of two of my nieces and one nephew, ages 27, 24 and 23, respectively. The fact that children so young had to bury their mother is yet another level of grief. By God's grace, they handled the situation with maturity, optimism and unity that Donna would be so very proud of.

Although divorced from my brother, Donna never left our family in any way. She was loved for her sense of fun, the easy way you could talk endlessly with her, and her often comical parenting dilemmas. She was often referred to as the second Donna in our family since we both shared the same first and last name for many years.

Miraculously, Donna never held a grudge despite having been abandoned by her Mother and 17 aunt's and uncles as a child and raised in foster care away from her two brothers. She went so far as to allow her children to make their own decisions about a relationship with their grandmother as she felt it was not her place to attach her personal story on them. In all honesty, I would never have been so gracious.

Among the many stories I can think of in remembering Donna are a few that always bring a smile as I think back on them. I offer those now.

One of the first Christmas holidays Donna had with our family occured while I was in college. When I came home for the holiday, I was anxious to know what presents I would be getting. So, I offered an exchange with Donna; if she told me what I was getting, I would tell her what she was getting from my family and my brother (her husband). After Donna gave me the complete rundown on my gift haul she asked what she was going to receive, to which I coyly responded: "presents." Thankfully, she still spoke to me after that!

Another story involves my niece, her second daughter and middle child who gave Donna most of the gray hair in her head. While not an overtly bad child, this gal seemed to find every situation possible to get into trouble. One such incident involved a period of several weeks when she would not obey curfew or any rules of punishment. So, on one such occasion when my niece was out late at a location she was expressly forbidden to go, my sister-in-law made arrangements for a local policeman to come to the house and give her a lecture. When my niece came home and thought she had made it in without notice, her Mother called her downstairs where she and the Police officer were waiting. Donna told my niece that since she would not listen to anything she told her, would not take any punishments seriously; it was time for the law to step in. At which point the Office instructed my niece that if she broke any rules again she would be sent to a juvenile home at her Mother's request. Well, I'm sure before the speech was over my niece was near hysterical with fear and remorse, promising never to be disobedient again. As a point of reference, this same child had her bedsheets and blankets taken off her bed because she would tie them together and escape out her bedroom window at night. When she came home one night to find her bed completely stripped, Donna told her "when you start to use your bed sheets for sleeping, you'll get them back."

Donna had a unique style of parenting that most often resulted in observance to her rules. When her youngest, my nephew, went through a period of talking back and slamming his bedroom door, the door was removed. Said Donna, "when you decide to shut the door properly, and can learn to respectfully talk to me, you'll get your door put back on."

While her parenting may seem unorthodox to many, it must have worked because the three children she raised are for the most part very good young adults. They've made mistakes, but they support one another, don't have a greedy bone in their body, and are strong defenders of those in need.

During the funeral, each of Donna's children stood and spoke of their Mother, most often noting that the one thing she taught them was to never judge a person by their appearance or situation. Rather, she encouraged her children to help when, how and wherever they could. Her wild-child middle daughter spoke through tears instructing all who attended that if there could be one legacy Donna left behind, this sense of selflessness and serving was it.

I miss Donna dearly even though the vivacious, funny woman I remember had left two years ago after her first stroke. And, even though I am so very saddened by her passing and the void it will leave in our family, I do find some comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain. I pray, too that in that next life she is currently enjoying she has her speech, mobility and mind back. That she can watch her children grow at the right hand of God....that makes my personal loss bearable.

God bless you, Donna. Know that you will be missed greatly and loved forever. Be at peace.