Saturday, May 17, 2014
I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk
Hello, hello! It's so great to have the opportunity to update the Pumpkin Patch. It's been ages and there is so much to share. I hope to be back on board soon. Can't wait.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
What did I sign up for, here?
I don't know why I was so delusional all those years ago when I thought I could master being a Mother late in life, or at least muster the energy to do so. Having just celebrated our third Family Day with Pumpkin, it's getting harder and harder to make it.
I've got an energetic four-year-old that is prone to repeating everything I tell her, ignoring everything I ask of her, stomping her feet or grunting in opposition to my requests, fighting me at every turn for the routine tasks like teeth brushing and can even emphatically tell me to leave her alone without batting an eye. Spankings, time-outs, no t.v. or computer....nothing really works to combat these issues, either. More often than not, she'll look at me mid-punishment and continue the bad behaviour at the same time. Challenging, yes. I was told once that 4 would be much worse than 3 and so far that has been the case.
On top of my demon child, I've got a husband that works long hours at his job and hasn't quite read the memo that I've sent requesting help when the sun goes down. I'm holding out hope, but so far it appears my flares burn out before reaching their target. I'm starting to think a strike is in order. A quick little walk-out that hopefully results in a negotiator, improved benefits and definite time off for good behavior, or at least hazard pay; I'll take what I can get!
Mind you, it's not all bad. And I honestly catch myself thinking of my poor mother who had four kids in five years with none of the niceties like microwave meals, an automatic washer or dishwasher, disposable diapers, cable, movies....nothing but two breasts, a strong back, and a lot of patience. Well, she did have a big family that she could take us to for play dates. But, she still managed to self-parent (my Dad worked full-time and ran our small farm after work, not to mention the mind-set of his generation which mandated his role to wage earner) all of us. I don't know how my mother did it at all. I remember her losing patience with us and now wonder why she didn't do it more often. Or, how did she keep her sanity?
My baby is growing up so quickly that I regret that I even think of the bad times. There are so many wonderful times; conversations involving her vivid and creative imagination, hearing her use manners without being prompted, seeing her hug people so freely and lovingly, watching her learn to write a letter or word for the first time. There are many, many wonderful moments in each day I spend with my daughter. However, I would be lying if I didn't point out that Motherhood is not for the weak, impatient or naiive.
I used to think I had control of my life, and perhaps it is because I realize I do not that I'm somewhat frustrated. As someone who is admittedly selfish and loves her time alone, knowing that I can't just 'take five' like I used to is a bone of contention. Then again, I never had anyone tell me "I'm the greatest Mom in the whole world," either. I never knew the joy of just watching someone sleep, smile, laugh, learn...live before.
Life is about trade offs, I guess. I am a Mother and I am subject to joy, anger, frustration, amazement, love, hatred, wonderment and incomprehension. I would love to walk away some days, but deep down inside, I know I'd come running back in a heartbeat. If nothing else, I'm needed here. And, on most days, loved, too. I wouldn't trade that for anything!
I've got an energetic four-year-old that is prone to repeating everything I tell her, ignoring everything I ask of her, stomping her feet or grunting in opposition to my requests, fighting me at every turn for the routine tasks like teeth brushing and can even emphatically tell me to leave her alone without batting an eye. Spankings, time-outs, no t.v. or computer....nothing really works to combat these issues, either. More often than not, she'll look at me mid-punishment and continue the bad behaviour at the same time. Challenging, yes. I was told once that 4 would be much worse than 3 and so far that has been the case.
On top of my demon child, I've got a husband that works long hours at his job and hasn't quite read the memo that I've sent requesting help when the sun goes down. I'm holding out hope, but so far it appears my flares burn out before reaching their target. I'm starting to think a strike is in order. A quick little walk-out that hopefully results in a negotiator, improved benefits and definite time off for good behavior, or at least hazard pay; I'll take what I can get!
Mind you, it's not all bad. And I honestly catch myself thinking of my poor mother who had four kids in five years with none of the niceties like microwave meals, an automatic washer or dishwasher, disposable diapers, cable, movies....nothing but two breasts, a strong back, and a lot of patience. Well, she did have a big family that she could take us to for play dates. But, she still managed to self-parent (my Dad worked full-time and ran our small farm after work, not to mention the mind-set of his generation which mandated his role to wage earner) all of us. I don't know how my mother did it at all. I remember her losing patience with us and now wonder why she didn't do it more often. Or, how did she keep her sanity?
My baby is growing up so quickly that I regret that I even think of the bad times. There are so many wonderful times; conversations involving her vivid and creative imagination, hearing her use manners without being prompted, seeing her hug people so freely and lovingly, watching her learn to write a letter or word for the first time. There are many, many wonderful moments in each day I spend with my daughter. However, I would be lying if I didn't point out that Motherhood is not for the weak, impatient or naiive.
I used to think I had control of my life, and perhaps it is because I realize I do not that I'm somewhat frustrated. As someone who is admittedly selfish and loves her time alone, knowing that I can't just 'take five' like I used to is a bone of contention. Then again, I never had anyone tell me "I'm the greatest Mom in the whole world," either. I never knew the joy of just watching someone sleep, smile, laugh, learn...live before.
Life is about trade offs, I guess. I am a Mother and I am subject to joy, anger, frustration, amazement, love, hatred, wonderment and incomprehension. I would love to walk away some days, but deep down inside, I know I'd come running back in a heartbeat. If nothing else, I'm needed here. And, on most days, loved, too. I wouldn't trade that for anything!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
And Baby is Four
I must have blinked again because here it is that my baby is now four years old. To say I can't believe it is irrelevant as it doesn't change the facts. It's almost a state of disbelief, as if I ignore it it won't be true. But then I look at my daughter and realized that Father Time has visited once again.
Wasn't it just yesterday I carried her everywhere she needed to go? Fed her with a bottle while I rocked her gently in the rocking chair as she fell to sleep? When did she go from learning to say one word at a time to speaking in whole sentences, creating stories and sometimes fabricating the truth? My baby is gone, but for the constant sucking on her thumb as she falls to sleep each night.
I miss my baby so badly, yet I would be remiss if I didn't say that I also enjoy the little girl I witness blossom in a new way daily. Pumpkin's perspective on life is refreshing, intelligent, curious and often comical. She is no fool for trickery or bribery and she can negotiate with a union leader if you're talking more t.v. time or chocolate! She doesn't lie, she "tells a story." For every position you propose on a subject, she will have her own, often the opposite of yours. Rarely does a day go by that my husband and I don't admit that the days are numbered until she completely beats us down.
We celebrated Pumpkin's birthday with a trip to the beach this year and she was beside herself with glee. She surfed, splashed, swam and built sandcastles. She saw magicians and dolphins and various animals at an aquarium. She got to pick out her cake, which ended up being Ladybug cupcakes because after all, "I love ladybugs," she reminded us. There were presents, too, of course. One load while on vacation, plus additional treats picked up at each of our stops and more to come over the next few weeks as we celebrate with family here at home. With pride, I can attest that Pumpkin is a grateful child that freely expresses thanks at each card, ecard, phone call or gift she receives. Be it a sticker or a full-blown gift, she is appreciative and I pray she'll always be that thoughtful and respectful.
I must also make note that on the day my sweet baby girl turned four I found myself again watching her sleep and hoping that somewhere on the other side of the world someone knows that she is safe, healthy and very, very loved. Despite my often selfish nature, a good part of my heart aches for the woman who parted with this soul just hours after giving her life. I wonder if she realizes that life she gave my husband and I?
As the baby of my family, I know that my Pumpkin will be my baby no matter what her chronological age is just as I was always "my baby" to my Mom. While that does give me the latitude to hug, kiss and coddle at will, it doesn't stop the hands of time from changing this little being from baby to toddler to child in the blink of my eyes. Perhaps I should stop blinking!
Happy birthday, Pumpkin. I love you around the world and back! Big much!!!!
Wasn't it just yesterday I carried her everywhere she needed to go? Fed her with a bottle while I rocked her gently in the rocking chair as she fell to sleep? When did she go from learning to say one word at a time to speaking in whole sentences, creating stories and sometimes fabricating the truth? My baby is gone, but for the constant sucking on her thumb as she falls to sleep each night.
I miss my baby so badly, yet I would be remiss if I didn't say that I also enjoy the little girl I witness blossom in a new way daily. Pumpkin's perspective on life is refreshing, intelligent, curious and often comical. She is no fool for trickery or bribery and she can negotiate with a union leader if you're talking more t.v. time or chocolate! She doesn't lie, she "tells a story." For every position you propose on a subject, she will have her own, often the opposite of yours. Rarely does a day go by that my husband and I don't admit that the days are numbered until she completely beats us down.
We celebrated Pumpkin's birthday with a trip to the beach this year and she was beside herself with glee. She surfed, splashed, swam and built sandcastles. She saw magicians and dolphins and various animals at an aquarium. She got to pick out her cake, which ended up being Ladybug cupcakes because after all, "I love ladybugs," she reminded us. There were presents, too, of course. One load while on vacation, plus additional treats picked up at each of our stops and more to come over the next few weeks as we celebrate with family here at home. With pride, I can attest that Pumpkin is a grateful child that freely expresses thanks at each card, ecard, phone call or gift she receives. Be it a sticker or a full-blown gift, she is appreciative and I pray she'll always be that thoughtful and respectful.
I must also make note that on the day my sweet baby girl turned four I found myself again watching her sleep and hoping that somewhere on the other side of the world someone knows that she is safe, healthy and very, very loved. Despite my often selfish nature, a good part of my heart aches for the woman who parted with this soul just hours after giving her life. I wonder if she realizes that life she gave my husband and I?
As the baby of my family, I know that my Pumpkin will be my baby no matter what her chronological age is just as I was always "my baby" to my Mom. While that does give me the latitude to hug, kiss and coddle at will, it doesn't stop the hands of time from changing this little being from baby to toddler to child in the blink of my eyes. Perhaps I should stop blinking!
Happy birthday, Pumpkin. I love you around the world and back! Big much!!!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sacraficial Limbs
Last night I had the pleasure of taking one for the team, as it were, by camping in with Pumpkin. Her Nana gave her an early birthday gift of a tent, so I popped it up in her toy room and we set out to pretend we were in the backyard under the stars. Four hours into the adventure Mama had to abandon ship as I couldn't feel my lower extremities and my back was about to break, so I woke my baby up and we toddled over to Nana's bed next door. This morning, I'm still feeling as though I lost the battle. Sadly, I know I will still have to do a real camping trip either in the backyard or at a site in the future. Was this in the manual? I don't recall....
It's been months since I last blogged and motherhood would surely be the reason. It's more than a full-time job, it's an all-consuming undertaking that often leaves you with the goal of getting through the day, let alone having the mental clarity to compose your thoughts. Add to this the fact that we moved in April, which meant I had to pack up our townhouse and then unpack our new house. (DH's job demands mean that I'm basically a single-parent with an occasional contractor available for small, odd jobs.) Needless to say, I've had much to write about, just no time.
My dear Pumpkin will soon turn four and she is a bundle of energy, imagination and thoughts, all of which she likes to share with me. In the past month her language has exploded and it's delightful to hear what comes out of her head and mouth. (I actually keep a diary of the funny things she says.) She sings, whistles and dances her way through most days, although there are those times when all I get from her are grunts, crossed arms and a stomping foot.
Pumpkin is out of school for the summer and will likely stay home with me this next year before kindergarten. We didn't think she was really learning at Goddard School, and the expense of the new home pretty much made up our minds about whether or not to continue there. She and I have been taking road trips and going to carnivals so far and we joined the local pool. So, I think she's having a great vacation so far. I just hope she remembers it.
Off I go now to start my day and get some work done before heading off to the pool. It's to be a hot one and me and the heat are not good friends.
It's been months since I last blogged and motherhood would surely be the reason. It's more than a full-time job, it's an all-consuming undertaking that often leaves you with the goal of getting through the day, let alone having the mental clarity to compose your thoughts. Add to this the fact that we moved in April, which meant I had to pack up our townhouse and then unpack our new house. (DH's job demands mean that I'm basically a single-parent with an occasional contractor available for small, odd jobs.) Needless to say, I've had much to write about, just no time.
My dear Pumpkin will soon turn four and she is a bundle of energy, imagination and thoughts, all of which she likes to share with me. In the past month her language has exploded and it's delightful to hear what comes out of her head and mouth. (I actually keep a diary of the funny things she says.) She sings, whistles and dances her way through most days, although there are those times when all I get from her are grunts, crossed arms and a stomping foot.
Pumpkin is out of school for the summer and will likely stay home with me this next year before kindergarten. We didn't think she was really learning at Goddard School, and the expense of the new home pretty much made up our minds about whether or not to continue there. She and I have been taking road trips and going to carnivals so far and we joined the local pool. So, I think she's having a great vacation so far. I just hope she remembers it.
Off I go now to start my day and get some work done before heading off to the pool. It's to be a hot one and me and the heat are not good friends.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Relfections on Aging
Here it is, another month in the new year almost at a close. Time is flying by much faster than I would like for my sweet Pumpkin and myself. Lately, I've been in a state of great discontent over aging.
When I approached turning 40 I did so with glee. Overall, my 40's were about the best time of my entire life. I started my business, built a house by myself, reconnected with and married my husband and became a mother. It seems that my entire life's dreams came to fruition in the span of 4-6 years. Now, though, I'm gaining on my 50th birthday and I am quite reticent.
As the big 5-0 comes near, my business is all but closed, I have gained more "quit smoking weight" than it seems I can easily lose, hair has begun to grow in places not meant for a woman and turn gray in most other places not meant to be seen! I've had to get bifocals to see, creams for bad skin, orthotics for bad feet, had more kidney stones than I care to have removed, have breast tenderness that is unbearable and mood swings like a lunatic from under the bridge. Riding in the car with me at certain times of the month can be a colorful walk on the wild side! And I don't like any of it.
While I've never been a "girlie-girl" that spends oodles of time primping and preening, I'd need three extra days in a week to keep up with all the things I have to do now to save myself from geriatric putrefaction. I've got creams to address wrinkles, serums to smooth, lotions for eyes, SPF to prevent MORE skin damage, teeth brushing, flossing to address receding gums, pore shrinkers, lotions for peri-menopause dry skin, heel creams for the leather that is my feet, hand creams......and this doesn't include hair or makeup. Add to this trying to get in 45 minutes to an hour of exercise to help shed the burgeoning growth between my sagging breasts and widening hips....it's a full day by 8 a.m.!
I just can't wrap myself around the fact that in two years I'm going to be 50 years old. That, to me, sounds about as close to grandmotherly-in-a-sweater-and-support-hose as is humanly possible and I'm just not ready to go there. Add to this the road of female aging that leads through the land of menopause....it's just one show i don't want the tickets for. It's scary and depressing.
I've also begun the process of finding a new career which is about as exciting as standing in the high-school gymnasium each Friday night waiting for someone to ask me to dance knowing full well it would never happen. Job hunting is about the quickest way to devalue your own worth outside of trying on bathing suits. What does someone on the verge of 50 do for a new career? At this point in my life I sometimes can find my own car keys, let alone a new job! Good grief, just what I need.
Throughout the entire process of adoption, my age never bothered me. I've always felt that my years on this earth gave me added wisdom to be a better mother, not to mention a desire to mother that made me want my child more resulting in a stronger relationship. Now, as I assess how many new aches and pains and grays and varicose veins and the whole plethora of age-related issues I've noted, I've become very cognisant of how much of my daughters life I may miss. And that makes me very sad. Do I regret my adoption? Not at all. I regret getting older. I can't stop it and I can't control it and those are two more reasons not to tolerate it.
So what do I do? I guess I just strap myself in and ride this journey out. I can hope that 50 will be as good as my 40s, but I'm just not feeling the love, as it were. I could hope that some miracle weight loss will occur and I will lose my werewolf chin, but hope isn't going to get it done this time. I'm going to have to be positive, steadfast and calm. Luckily, I'm so known for such character traits.....NOT! Heaven help my dear husband.
When I approached turning 40 I did so with glee. Overall, my 40's were about the best time of my entire life. I started my business, built a house by myself, reconnected with and married my husband and became a mother. It seems that my entire life's dreams came to fruition in the span of 4-6 years. Now, though, I'm gaining on my 50th birthday and I am quite reticent.
As the big 5-0 comes near, my business is all but closed, I have gained more "quit smoking weight" than it seems I can easily lose, hair has begun to grow in places not meant for a woman and turn gray in most other places not meant to be seen! I've had to get bifocals to see, creams for bad skin, orthotics for bad feet, had more kidney stones than I care to have removed, have breast tenderness that is unbearable and mood swings like a lunatic from under the bridge. Riding in the car with me at certain times of the month can be a colorful walk on the wild side! And I don't like any of it.
While I've never been a "girlie-girl" that spends oodles of time primping and preening, I'd need three extra days in a week to keep up with all the things I have to do now to save myself from geriatric putrefaction. I've got creams to address wrinkles, serums to smooth, lotions for eyes, SPF to prevent MORE skin damage, teeth brushing, flossing to address receding gums, pore shrinkers, lotions for peri-menopause dry skin, heel creams for the leather that is my feet, hand creams......and this doesn't include hair or makeup. Add to this trying to get in 45 minutes to an hour of exercise to help shed the burgeoning growth between my sagging breasts and widening hips....it's a full day by 8 a.m.!
I just can't wrap myself around the fact that in two years I'm going to be 50 years old. That, to me, sounds about as close to grandmotherly-in-a-sweater-and-support-hose as is humanly possible and I'm just not ready to go there. Add to this the road of female aging that leads through the land of menopause....it's just one show i don't want the tickets for. It's scary and depressing.
I've also begun the process of finding a new career which is about as exciting as standing in the high-school gymnasium each Friday night waiting for someone to ask me to dance knowing full well it would never happen. Job hunting is about the quickest way to devalue your own worth outside of trying on bathing suits. What does someone on the verge of 50 do for a new career? At this point in my life I sometimes can find my own car keys, let alone a new job! Good grief, just what I need.
Throughout the entire process of adoption, my age never bothered me. I've always felt that my years on this earth gave me added wisdom to be a better mother, not to mention a desire to mother that made me want my child more resulting in a stronger relationship. Now, as I assess how many new aches and pains and grays and varicose veins and the whole plethora of age-related issues I've noted, I've become very cognisant of how much of my daughters life I may miss. And that makes me very sad. Do I regret my adoption? Not at all. I regret getting older. I can't stop it and I can't control it and those are two more reasons not to tolerate it.
So what do I do? I guess I just strap myself in and ride this journey out. I can hope that 50 will be as good as my 40s, but I'm just not feeling the love, as it were. I could hope that some miracle weight loss will occur and I will lose my werewolf chin, but hope isn't going to get it done this time. I'm going to have to be positive, steadfast and calm. Luckily, I'm so known for such character traits.....NOT! Heaven help my dear husband.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
January 26, 2010
Finally, a quiet moment to catch up on the blog. Where on earth does time go? I just said to my husband today that I'd like to stop time, take a nap, and then turn it back on so I'd be rested without having missed anything. Nice to dream, ha?
Is anyone else out there completely paralyzed about writing "2010?" I just can't seem to write 10 on my checks. I want to write zero something-or-other. And wasn't it just last week that it was 2009? Or, the new millenium for that matter? Since when does time need to fly at warp speed?
2009 is now fading quickly with January zooming by to begin month two of the new year. Our holiday was wonderful, filled with joy at Pumpkin's first real involvement in the Christmas spirit. She helped decorate, make cookies and wrap gifts with me this year. She finally got into Santa and it was wonderful to see sit on his lap with pure joy and wonderment. On top of this, she was just overjoyed about everything Christmas this year from the cartoons to the tree to snow....it was just one big happy moment after another. This little girl truly took my favorite holiday into the stratosphere of delight. The only disappointment of the entire season was having to visit my Mother in the nursing home. Nothing can bend your heart as quickly as spending the holiday with a parent in a home that isn't theirs where there is no real understanding of any particular moment in time.
DH continues to work mightily at his job which he still enjoys. Pumpkin goes to school three days a week all day and very much enjoys time with her friends, too. She has a few favorites (all boys) but has a couple girl friends, as well. She is a walking-talking bundle of energy of late. We had hoped it was related to the holiday season, but it appears to be a 3 1/2 year old thing. I'm sadly beginning to realize that it's true what was foretold to me: terrible two's are nothing; three and four can be just as rough. While the ratio is still 80-20, I'm starting to get the strong "no" response, an occasional tap/smack as if I'm being corrected and it can take half-an-hour to get our Little Missy to put toys away 0r follow any instruction. Meal time is a real pleasure because a house could be zoned, built, landscaped and decorated before Pumpkin finishes eating! The overall irony is that as rough and trying as I thought some things were before now, my patience is tried much more now.
Did anyone REALLY prepare me for this? No. Of course, can you ever really prepare? I'm still loving motherhood in general and, most specifically, mothering my Pumpkin. I often miss those times when she wanted to sleep between us at night and wish that I could crawl into bed and cuddle with her. While she is still a toddler, she is growing up and embracing that growth with open arms. I am not so welcoming. So, I don't fight the thumb-sucking and the occasional wet panties. And, if Pumpkin needs help with something that I know she can do herself, what the heck. It means I'm still Mama the answer God. Soon enough I'll be Mom who never let's me do ANYTHING! Why rush?
Is anyone else out there completely paralyzed about writing "2010?" I just can't seem to write 10 on my checks. I want to write zero something-or-other. And wasn't it just last week that it was 2009? Or, the new millenium for that matter? Since when does time need to fly at warp speed?
2009 is now fading quickly with January zooming by to begin month two of the new year. Our holiday was wonderful, filled with joy at Pumpkin's first real involvement in the Christmas spirit. She helped decorate, make cookies and wrap gifts with me this year. She finally got into Santa and it was wonderful to see sit on his lap with pure joy and wonderment. On top of this, she was just overjoyed about everything Christmas this year from the cartoons to the tree to snow....it was just one big happy moment after another. This little girl truly took my favorite holiday into the stratosphere of delight. The only disappointment of the entire season was having to visit my Mother in the nursing home. Nothing can bend your heart as quickly as spending the holiday with a parent in a home that isn't theirs where there is no real understanding of any particular moment in time.
DH continues to work mightily at his job which he still enjoys. Pumpkin goes to school three days a week all day and very much enjoys time with her friends, too. She has a few favorites (all boys) but has a couple girl friends, as well. She is a walking-talking bundle of energy of late. We had hoped it was related to the holiday season, but it appears to be a 3 1/2 year old thing. I'm sadly beginning to realize that it's true what was foretold to me: terrible two's are nothing; three and four can be just as rough. While the ratio is still 80-20, I'm starting to get the strong "no" response, an occasional tap/smack as if I'm being corrected and it can take half-an-hour to get our Little Missy to put toys away 0r follow any instruction. Meal time is a real pleasure because a house could be zoned, built, landscaped and decorated before Pumpkin finishes eating! The overall irony is that as rough and trying as I thought some things were before now, my patience is tried much more now.
Did anyone REALLY prepare me for this? No. Of course, can you ever really prepare? I'm still loving motherhood in general and, most specifically, mothering my Pumpkin. I often miss those times when she wanted to sleep between us at night and wish that I could crawl into bed and cuddle with her. While she is still a toddler, she is growing up and embracing that growth with open arms. I am not so welcoming. So, I don't fight the thumb-sucking and the occasional wet panties. And, if Pumpkin needs help with something that I know she can do herself, what the heck. It means I'm still Mama the answer God. Soon enough I'll be Mom who never let's me do ANYTHING! Why rush?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Saying "Thanks" to Santa
Here is Leena talking with Santa Christmas night. (Santa is actually her Great Uncle Eddie.) This is a keeper! I don't know who is having more fun, Leena or Daddy!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Frosty and the Drummer Girl
The musical trilogy concludes with Leena singing Frosty the Snowman, accompanied by her trusty drum. Christmas magic doesn't get any better than this. (Well, a new President and the expulsion of Congress before they attempt any more spending or illicit behavior would be a miracle to my liking, but I'll settle for this today.)
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Yeah!!
Here is the Pumpkinettes doing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. No musical talent, but certainly entertaining. Me without makeup and hairstyling of any kind is worth the price of admission.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A Happy Holiday, Indeed
With only 10 days to go until Christmas, the Pumpkin Patch is having a delightful holiday season. This is the first year that Leena is aware of Santa and presents and all the lure of the season and she is beyond invested in the magic of it all. As someone who love the Christmas holiday anyway, Leena has been an added ray of light. I am so enjoying watching the holiday cartoons, singing carols and reading her the story of Jesus' birth so that she can (even if she doesn't fully understand it yet) know the fundamental reason for Christmas.
At three, Leena is talking in a constant state of filibustering. Her father can't seem to take it all in at times, having never been around a chatty toddler before. She talks in complete sentences and puts together stories and answers that boggle our minds. And, we're convinced Leena uses words that no three year old should know! I love when she sums up a movie or Backyardigans episode. Her eyes are wide and her tone is so serious....such the detail-oriented-mini-me! She can count to 50 and knows all her opposites. She knows mine, yours, ours; placement (frontward/backward); time (last night); well.....she knows everything.
Leena went to see Santa and when asked what she wants, replied: "an airplane, a helicopter and a hot air balloon." Santa asked if she likes to fly around a lot....Lord if he only knew! She also wants a Thomas the Train cake and lots of candy (I believe she confuses Jesus' birthday cake with her own). She looks at every toy catalog we receive (often while on the pot....too funny) and summarily asks for everything on the page. She wants snow because she believes Santa must have that to come in his sleigh with Rudolph and all the toys. Of course, Thorn, a boy in her class won't get toys according to her because he is bad.
Yes, it's a magical time of year, made more so by the vision of it all through a child's eyes. I count myself among the rare few to be so happy in life to have a wonderful husband and daughter to enjoy this holiday with. In a season marked by love, compassion, kindness and joy....I have that every day, all year through. Here, here, Tiny Tim; God Bless Us Everyone!
Merry Christmas!
At three, Leena is talking in a constant state of filibustering. Her father can't seem to take it all in at times, having never been around a chatty toddler before. She talks in complete sentences and puts together stories and answers that boggle our minds. And, we're convinced Leena uses words that no three year old should know! I love when she sums up a movie or Backyardigans episode. Her eyes are wide and her tone is so serious....such the detail-oriented-mini-me! She can count to 50 and knows all her opposites. She knows mine, yours, ours; placement (frontward/backward); time (last night); well.....she knows everything.
Leena went to see Santa and when asked what she wants, replied: "an airplane, a helicopter and a hot air balloon." Santa asked if she likes to fly around a lot....Lord if he only knew! She also wants a Thomas the Train cake and lots of candy (I believe she confuses Jesus' birthday cake with her own). She looks at every toy catalog we receive (often while on the pot....too funny) and summarily asks for everything on the page. She wants snow because she believes Santa must have that to come in his sleigh with Rudolph and all the toys. Of course, Thorn, a boy in her class won't get toys according to her because he is bad.
Yes, it's a magical time of year, made more so by the vision of it all through a child's eyes. I count myself among the rare few to be so happy in life to have a wonderful husband and daughter to enjoy this holiday with. In a season marked by love, compassion, kindness and joy....I have that every day, all year through. Here, here, Tiny Tim; God Bless Us Everyone!
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Pumpkin the calendar girl, again!
Here is Leena's 2009 calendar picture for the Fuling Calendar project that benefits her home orphanage. We're so proud to support this wonderful group and give a little exposure to our beautiful Fuling girl. It's a win-win for sure.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Pumpkin Visits St. Nick
Here is Leena visiting Santa for the first time this year. She was beside herself with excitement, saying "Santa, where are you?" as we walked through the mall to see the Man in Red.
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Banner Day
Today was a banner day in the Pumpkin Patch. Little Missy and I had fun making meatballs for a new recipe I tried for dinner, we then went to swimming school that included some play time for Queenie and a 25 minute workout on the elliptical trainer for Mama Pumpkin. (That I'm alive to tell you this speaks volumes of God's healing powers!) Then, after a nap this afternoon, Miss P. asked to ride her big girl bike that we'd purchased for her this past Easter because she has literally outgrown her tricycle. Just like potty training, something must have just clicked in her little mind to tell her it was alright to try. And, try she did. She mastered staying on her bike, making turns and peddling and only fell one time (hence the helmet). I was so elated and proud of my baby. In hindsight, I know this is yet one more reminder of how she is growing up and away from me. This is a good thing and a sad thing at the same time. This easily falls into the "be careful what you wish for" category. In crying out for free time and independent play, I'm also wishing my baby away. This is the sad reality of growth. Still, I have to be happy and proud of my three year old daughter riding a two wheeler bike with total abandon and glee. She didn't quit, never gave up or showed fear. I hope my daughter keeps these traits all the days of her life.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Motherhood is Ageless
Age. As an older first-time parent, age is something that is always resting in the back of your mind, waiting for an inopportune moment to rear its ugly head. This past weekend, for the second time, an older person looked at me and asked if my daughter was my grand-daughter. When I answered that she was my daughter, she actually gasped! While I'm not Christie Brinkley, I'd like to think I'm not Betty White, either. The comment stung and made me think about what other people see when my daughter and I are together.
Most often, DH and I think of age to the extent that we want to be here for our daughter as long as possible, to see her grow into adulthood. It's certainly the reason I quit smoking and have begun to exercise and watch what I eat. Ironically, most outsiders would probably assume age is a factor in my ability to parent, meaning that at age 46 I don't have the stamina to parent as well as someone younger. Maybe, maybe not. I think I'm a better parent because of my age in that I have more tolerance, understanding and desire. I wanted my child; not that birth mothers don't, but I do believe I wanted my child more. My child has made my life, as opposed to filling a need or "checking off a box" on my life's list of things to do.
Too, I think a lot of people mistakenly think that I've adopted because I couldn't birth my own child. There are unspoken assumptions among the adoptive circle that are sometimes true and just as often not. I could tell people why I adopted, but is it anyone's business? Families are about love, not rudeness.
A recent episode of House has had me thinking about age, mostly as it relates to my own mother. I'm the youngest child in my family and my nieces and nephews have had the luxury of a Grandma that my daughter will never have. By the Grace of God, my daughter knows that she has a Nana and a Grandma, even if Grandma doesn't always know who she is or remember that she exists. My mother has Alzheimer's. Those four words mean that my daughter will likely not know the Grandma that all her cousins got to play with, laugh with, have as a sitter, enjoy holidays with and generally be spoiled rotten by. Thankfully, my daughter won't mourn that loss as much as I do.
Mom was the oldest of nine children born to an abusive, alcoholic father and a submissive mother who died 18 months after the birth of her last child. My mother got the task of raising her siblings, while defending herself from atrocities no child should suffer. Having survived that, Mom left home, got married and had four children; the third of which was born with mental retardation in a time when the solution for such births was to institutionalize them. Deep down, I know my mother blamed herself for my brother's condition, even though it was misplaced. Finally, after getting her children raised (well, all but one who remains as co-dependent as when she was two), Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. A lifetime of hurdles, ending with a woman who spends her days laying in a bed that is not hers in a place that is not her home with people she doesn't know. (Even typing this brings me to tears.)
My husband and I often joke that we're kind to our daughter because we'll need her to wipe our tushes when we get to "Happy Acres" in a few years. In reality, I hope she never has to suffer through anything like this. Equally, I hope she doesn't suffer any foolish questions about who her parents are. "Is that your Mom or your grandma?" "Are those old people your parents?" "How old IS your Mom?" I would hope my daughter never has to defend her Mom and Dad, but I also know from firsthand experience that children can be very cruel.
Turning 40 was a delightful experience for me. I embraced it with abandon knowing that I was lucky to be at an age where experience was a good thing and living in a time when numbers only mattered on paper. As I begin the descent to 50, I'm a little uncertain. I find myself wondering if I'll age gracefully, or have medical concerns (like Alzheimer's) to burden my family with. Will I be able to keep myself in good enough shape to keep up with my daughter and be an active participant in her life?
The wisdom that you so proudly hold on to as you age can be just as fleeting when you're faced with uncertainty. I don't know how much of my daughter's life I'll have luck enough to enjoy, so perhaps that's why I let her sleep with me at night even though there's a $2000 bedroom set with Thomas the Tank Engine bedding on it for her. I don't know if I will have the pleasure of seeing her walk down the isle as a new bride, so I make sure I tell her every day how much we love her and how important she is to our lives. I don't know if she'll even remember all the gifts we've lavished upon her, or the clothes and shoes, so I try and make sure she is just as gifted with hugs and physical contact from us. I want her to inately know how precious she is to her father and I.
Yes, I am a parent. I'm not old and I'm not young. The days are now here when I have mostly memories to keep the love of my mother and I together, and that is a diamond to behold. I hope that someday my daughter can say the same of us; that she will be able to open her own treasure chest of memories to sustain her.
....Mom, I love you and always will no matter where you are in this world.
Most often, DH and I think of age to the extent that we want to be here for our daughter as long as possible, to see her grow into adulthood. It's certainly the reason I quit smoking and have begun to exercise and watch what I eat. Ironically, most outsiders would probably assume age is a factor in my ability to parent, meaning that at age 46 I don't have the stamina to parent as well as someone younger. Maybe, maybe not. I think I'm a better parent because of my age in that I have more tolerance, understanding and desire. I wanted my child; not that birth mothers don't, but I do believe I wanted my child more. My child has made my life, as opposed to filling a need or "checking off a box" on my life's list of things to do.
Too, I think a lot of people mistakenly think that I've adopted because I couldn't birth my own child. There are unspoken assumptions among the adoptive circle that are sometimes true and just as often not. I could tell people why I adopted, but is it anyone's business? Families are about love, not rudeness.
A recent episode of House has had me thinking about age, mostly as it relates to my own mother. I'm the youngest child in my family and my nieces and nephews have had the luxury of a Grandma that my daughter will never have. By the Grace of God, my daughter knows that she has a Nana and a Grandma, even if Grandma doesn't always know who she is or remember that she exists. My mother has Alzheimer's. Those four words mean that my daughter will likely not know the Grandma that all her cousins got to play with, laugh with, have as a sitter, enjoy holidays with and generally be spoiled rotten by. Thankfully, my daughter won't mourn that loss as much as I do.
Mom was the oldest of nine children born to an abusive, alcoholic father and a submissive mother who died 18 months after the birth of her last child. My mother got the task of raising her siblings, while defending herself from atrocities no child should suffer. Having survived that, Mom left home, got married and had four children; the third of which was born with mental retardation in a time when the solution for such births was to institutionalize them. Deep down, I know my mother blamed herself for my brother's condition, even though it was misplaced. Finally, after getting her children raised (well, all but one who remains as co-dependent as when she was two), Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. A lifetime of hurdles, ending with a woman who spends her days laying in a bed that is not hers in a place that is not her home with people she doesn't know. (Even typing this brings me to tears.)
My husband and I often joke that we're kind to our daughter because we'll need her to wipe our tushes when we get to "Happy Acres" in a few years. In reality, I hope she never has to suffer through anything like this. Equally, I hope she doesn't suffer any foolish questions about who her parents are. "Is that your Mom or your grandma?" "Are those old people your parents?" "How old IS your Mom?" I would hope my daughter never has to defend her Mom and Dad, but I also know from firsthand experience that children can be very cruel.
Turning 40 was a delightful experience for me. I embraced it with abandon knowing that I was lucky to be at an age where experience was a good thing and living in a time when numbers only mattered on paper. As I begin the descent to 50, I'm a little uncertain. I find myself wondering if I'll age gracefully, or have medical concerns (like Alzheimer's) to burden my family with. Will I be able to keep myself in good enough shape to keep up with my daughter and be an active participant in her life?
The wisdom that you so proudly hold on to as you age can be just as fleeting when you're faced with uncertainty. I don't know how much of my daughter's life I'll have luck enough to enjoy, so perhaps that's why I let her sleep with me at night even though there's a $2000 bedroom set with Thomas the Tank Engine bedding on it for her. I don't know if I will have the pleasure of seeing her walk down the isle as a new bride, so I make sure I tell her every day how much we love her and how important she is to our lives. I don't know if she'll even remember all the gifts we've lavished upon her, or the clothes and shoes, so I try and make sure she is just as gifted with hugs and physical contact from us. I want her to inately know how precious she is to her father and I.
Yes, I am a parent. I'm not old and I'm not young. The days are now here when I have mostly memories to keep the love of my mother and I together, and that is a diamond to behold. I hope that someday my daughter can say the same of us; that she will be able to open her own treasure chest of memories to sustain her.
....Mom, I love you and always will no matter where you are in this world.
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