Parenting at 4 Months In

Just three days ago marked the four month anniversary of our becoming parents to the Devine Miss P, a first for both Mamma and Big Daddy P. Having just attended a family function where some of my relatives were shocked to see me walking into the party with child in tow (well, actually I followed my brother in who had Leena in HIS arms), I guess I do have some comments for when people ask me: "so, what's it like being a Mom/having a child?" The short answer, of course, is beyond my wildest dreams. The longer dissertation would have to include the complex levels of emotions that I have and continue to experience.

Parenting is at one point joyous, and others nerve wracking; loving and stressful; emotions that will explode your heart with joy and can break your heart with frustration or stress; boundless energy to teach this being everything you possibly can and depleted exhaustion to the point of not brushing your teeth; hopes for a future that is endless for this child and also hopes that you can accomplish just one planned task on any given day. Indeed, parenting is a complex task that goes from high to low at any given moment.

I continue to be amazed that this child was "matched" to us by people who never met my husband or I, only knowing what we put to paper in multi-page autobiographies. For all intents and purposes, Leena is the child we were meant to have. While God gave her to us in his time, China gave a child to us when that perfect one was available and ready. Having only physically had her in our lives for four months, it feels as if she's been her as long as we've been together. Leena has melded into our lives as easily and comfortably as if we bore her ourselves, complete with traits, actions, a personality, style and character that bears striking resemblance to my husband and I. Although I often quip to family members that I wanted my child to have a realistic chance of survival so I went outside the gene pool, Leena is a mini-me to my husband and I in many, many ways. The one that comes quickly to mind for me is her sense of inquisitiveness that matches my own vivid imagination as a child and a very quick and sure temper, another Mommy trait that now Daddy gets in stereo with the two women in his life.

Each day I bear witness to the miracle that is a child. To look at this small wonder and realize that she's only been alive less than 1000 days and see all that she can do, say or comprehend begs the statement 'you have to believe in God and the miracle of childbirth.' While I can get overwhelmed with worry that Leena isn't talking or doing as much as perceived experts say she should be, or that I will be the best parent I can be, I am equally amazed at what she can or does do. I can ask Leena 'where is your sock?' (she loves to pull them off) and she'll go and find it and bring it to me. If I ask her if she's hungry, she'll go to her highchair and smack her lips together. If I ask her if she's making a poo-poo in her diaper, she pinch her fingers on her nose and say "poo-teen-tee." Genius? I think so. Prodigy? Perhaps. Gifted? If she isn't, we most definitely are. She may only be able to say "A" and "B", but I'm confident the other 26 letters will follow.

The hardest part of parenting for this Type A, anal-retentive, compulsive, control freak is the abandoning of a schedule. Pre-Leena, I was a schedule/task-oriented person, always able to sit down and tick off my duties one-by-one (with a nap when I wanted or needed one). I'm learning, reluctantly, that those days are gone and that someone else now controls the calendar/agenda/to do lists of my life. I still work every day on letting go of that feeling when I first wake up each morning that I must get this and that done before Leena wakes or while she naps or when she goes to bed. It's a cause of great consternation, but I take pleasure on the days it does work out and try to make it through the days it doesn't. Exhausted, indeed I am more so that at any other point in my 45 years. Most importantly, I am also happier than at any other point in my 45 years, except for two very important days: when I first re-met my husband over dinner and when we exchanged wedding vows.

At four months in, the Pumpkin family is doing well and taking our new adventure one day at a time. Yes, there are days that I cry, sigh, and almost want to die, but there are more when I feel as though that winning lottery ticket was finally handed to me and I'm richer than I could ever have imagined.