Saying Goodbye

It's been a very rough week here in our household due to the loss of two of our family members, namely Kaden and Sophie. After much discussion and thought, DH and I decided that our lives were a little too hectic at the moment to give our beloved pets the care, love and attention they had previously become accustomed to, so we found new homes for them. A baby and elder care, on top of the routine issues of life, make for busy lives and Kaden and Sophie felt the brunt of the lost time. Additionally, our new home doesn't have a fenced in back yard yet and both dogs came close to trouble by running out on to the road whenever left to themselves.



Any of these reasons are just ones, but the loss of my girls is a painful one that I am still grieving over today. I love my daughter deeply and will do anything to ensure her safety and that she gets my fullest attention at all times, but I still mourn the loss of the two animals that have been the joy of my life for almost five years in Kaden's case and four for Sophie. My DH has been so supportive to me in allowing me alone time to say goodbye with each girl as they left. Our home is quiet and empty without them, even amidst the 'koos' and 'bahhhhhs' of little Pumpkin. At each corner, I am reminded of the girls, the things they would do, their individual ticks and theirs unique ways of showing love or affection. Just when I think I can't shed another tear or that the headache or knot in my stomach has subsided, I see something to remind me of them and it starts all over again. This morning, for example, I washed some of our "dog towels" and it brought me to tears. Then, I went out to the garage and saw muddy paw prints on the step and I had to turn away. DH has worked at putting anything dog-related out of my view to shield me, but it's little things like those mentioned that bring them right back to my aching heart. I know that we made the right decision for them and for us, but it just hurts and I still have guilt over letting them go, feeling largely that I failed them.

I was never a dog person until Kaden, who I named such becuase it meant "companion." She was surely that, to the point that my Dad often told me I should have called her "shadow" since she followed me around so closely. Now, she walks with someone else, and I hope they know her devotion as I did. Sophie is now with a young man and for the first time in her life, is the sole pet of the house, which should give her the Queen-dom she sometimes fought for with us as Kaden would sometimes Lord over her, even to the point of fighting.

I verbally said goodbye to my girls this week, but my mind and heart have yet to let go. With each memory, they will live on forever in my heart. The last thing I said to each of them was that I was sorry and that I loved them, that beyond anything else they should know that I loved them with all my heart. I don't know if they understood, but I hope and pray that they did.

Dearest Kaden and Sophie, you blessed my life and I hope and pray the same for you in your new lives. You were loved and you are missed by all of us. Be well, be happy and be free. I miss you terribly. Thank you letting me share your lives, if only for a brief moment.